In my last post I had written about how my next goal is to get more organized in my life since I was able to go to the gym and everything like that. For some reason, organizing my life is a little harder than losing the weight. But I've noticed something. When I was really dedicated at going to the gym and giving it my all, I was more organized and disciplined in my life. When I stopped going to the gym and started running more, I started going back to my old habits. This thought of course, made me stroke my "beard" and go, "hmmmmmmmmmm."
After talking with some friends and going to running group the word commitment has been on the back of my mind for awhile now. Commitment is such a strong word. If I really think about all the things that I am committed to in my life...like really committed and not half assed or selfless? I can only think of one and that is being married to my husband, however, we are polar opposites in almost every aspect of life. Everyone says that opposites attract and while that may be the case, I am still learning how to be more committed to our marriage, and to really love him. Seems easy and filled with rainbows and lollipops right? Not so much....I understand these will be a forever task, but if I can get some of the basics down like picking up after myself and keeping the apartment tidy, and telling him EXACTLY what is on my mind, then that's half of the battle. I feel if I was more concentrated on the actual commitment to him, I would acknowledge his needs more than mine...if I can be really honest for a second; I feel (and have been told) that I am more committed to my friends, than my husband. I don't know if others feel the same way but let me explain. I would do anything for my friends. They say, "jump," and I say, "how high." If my husband asks me to do something, I'll do it, but I'll do it on my own terms, and depending on what the task is, may complain about it. I know none of you other wives would do such a thing.....:) See, I would like to think of it as, "Hey, at least I'm being honest and telling you what I really think." But honestly, that's not fair to him that I seem to not give him my all, when in all reality, he deserves it more than my friends. NO OFFENSE TO ANY OF MY FRIENDS. Does anyone else feel that way? Maybe it's just me being selfish and not understanding marriage....
I am committed to losing weight and running, however, if I were honestly, truly, committed I would have lost almost all of what I wanted to lose by June 18, which was the date my husband, and I, decided in the beginning of this whole thing! If I was back to my disciplined way, like in the beginning, I would be working out between my running days.....if only! Changing lifestyles is hard. SO hard and takes so much out you!
I feel as though this has to be easier. Like if I wanted it so badly I would do anything to keep it, or to maintain it, or to stick with it. The thing that I forget is that it takes WORK. AHHH, this goes back to my lazy habits post. I'm a procrastinating, lazy lump. You maybe thinking,"Anndee, look how far you've come!" or "You'll get there, patience." I understand both of those things, and I'm not even upset with how far I've come, I just wish that I wasn't so....lazy. Honestly, when I'm at work, I can think of a whole list of things I want to accomplish when I get home or think that if I weren't I at work I could get this list done...but then I come home, even if I didn't really do anything that day, I'm zonked and tell myself that I would rather watch hulu, or go do something else other than clean my house. I'm not saying it's bad to want to come home and unwind, but when you do that all the time and others, or other things in your house get neglected because you would rather do something else, that's selfish laziness to me. And I believe that's where I have been and hopefully will not be for too long! It's funny to think about this now, but in college I was HORRIBLE at picking up my room....right girls? I remember when I lived at Freddy Court with Casey, Kelsey, Jamie and Brittany. Casey was, and still is, a neat freak. When Casey was cleaning, you better have all of your stuff picked up too so she could vacuum everything. Well, whenever she came to my room she knew it would always be a sty. I remember her coming to me one day and said, "Anndee, we are going to break you from this habit. I've been told that you can break any habit after a month of not doing it. SO for 30 days you are going to make your bed and tidy up your room.".......obviously it didn't stick that well, because I never make my bed, and my room is still never clean, but I'm really glad that she tried!
To help me keep my messiness under control (for a little while, until I get lazy again) I have created a daily schedule,with the help of miss Cali Pfister, to help me better clean my apartment so it's not so overwhelming to me (not that cleaning a one bedroom apt is overwhelming by any means, but it is when you have life long senioritis). I have given each day a room, and decided to fully clean that room on it's particular day. Things that get done every day are simple things like dishes, tidy up, make bed, etc. I've also added monthly things like cleaning out closets, tubs, and plastic bags filled with crap underneath my bed. My goal in all this is to hopefully get organized and downsize significantly that when it's time for us to get the hell out of this small cramped space, it'll be a lot easier! and hopefully break this dreadful
Will this help Anndee with her commitment issues? What will Billy say when Anndee loses another 10 pounds? When will Anndee and Billy get ice cream next? How much sweat will Anndee lose with no air on in their 2nd story Apt to try and cut costs of electric bill? These questions and more when we return to mybigfatillinoislife.
