L.O.V....E?

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very, extraordinary
Love was.........

One morning my husband and I were getting ready for work and he starts singing this song.....I started to laugh because he left out the E line. I think he thought that the E was was extraordinary which makes sense now that I'm seeing it written out. After I sang the E line we both had a chuckle and went on our way to work.

Speaking of LOVE, Valentines Day is just around the corner. I've never really been a huge fan of Valentines Day, simply because I don't want my husband to think that just because it's Valentines Day he has to get me something. I think it goes back to when we were dating I told him that I hated it for the reasons that I don't like big cheesy stuffed animals, and I hate roses and I don't want chocolate when I can get that any day of the week. I also mentioned that I think men feel like since it's valentines day they have to get something and it might not be well thought out. I don't know about the rest of you ladies, but I LOVE a gift that's from the heart, not, "Oh it's Valentines Day, I have to get something!" Nope, not for this one. So back to our conversation, I told him to not to get me anything since he's not that big into holidays, he could care less if he got anything or not.

On our first Valentines Day as a married couple we had agreed to not get each other anything and just have a nice meal at home with candles, sparkling grape juice and a selection of Marvin Gaye and Al Green. It was wonderful! I made him a little card because, well, I'm an over achiever and love to do things for him. The conversation afterwards turned into a discussion on holidays and birthdays and gifts because I was sad that I didn't get anything. Now mind you he already warned me that this would happen and I, being the mature adult that I am, refused to listen to what he had to say. It turned out that I did like gifts and wished that he had gotten me something.

I for one am still thinking about what love looks like. To me it's telling me that you love me, being chivalrous and giving me words of affirmation and so forth. Billy is the COMPLETE opposite from me. His would be me spending time with him, listening FULLY to what he has to say, and picking up after myself every once in a blue moon and helping to keep the apartment clean so that we don't have to have a giant clean up day or play 10 second tidy before friends come over! We have discovered over the course of our new marriage that we show each other the way that we want to be loved, not how the other person wants to be loved.

Due to an evening of unfortunate events a couple of weeks ago we had an argument about how we love each other. After awhile of not talking, we met up for lunch and Billy handed me this*: Mind you, when you live with a teacher, you are bound to get an assignment.
"As you know, you and I best receive love in different ways. On top of that, the way that we each express love shows that we have differing ideas about what love actually is. The way that you often tell me you love me immediately after, AND SOMETIMES EVEN WHILE you do things you know I dislike regardless of how I feel, shows that you think love is more closely related to how you FEEL about me than how you treat me. You're not alone, in this miscommunication I"m careful to always consider your feelings and well-being before I act, but I often fail to verbally express love to you.
Your assignment is designed simply to create a more fulfilling love experience. Starting today and until June 18, I do not want to hear or read the words "I love you," " I'm sorry," or anything that uses words or material gifts (bought or made) to express how much you value me or my feelings. Every time you feel the need to express love, do it through an action. If you're sorry, stop doing what you did, and make it up to me if you feel the need. I'm not calling for a superwife. I'm not asking you to constantly cook and clean and slave. These things are, welcome sometimes, but if you're using them as a crutch or doing them begrudgingly, I don't want it. Simplicity is sufficient. Don't think of it as punishment. Think of it as a fast. You may need to really use your head and be creative to stick with it until the end."

I decided to accept this challenge and created one for him too! I asked him to tell me that he loves me more, and to be more chivalrous. I also suggested that maybe we cook dinner together and do dishes together as well as clean together. I can't say that I have done well so far. It's so hard to not say I love you or to say sorry after I have done something stupid. I'm still trying, learning and growing. He has told me multiple times what he wants, I, on the other hand, know that I'm being selfish and not taking into consideration how he will feel after I do something or think just assume what I think will be great. It's taken a lot of listening and really looking into the other one and seeing what they do. Some of you may already be doing this but I'm one that tends to forget a lot.

I challenge you this Valentines Day to give something more than material items, give yourself and something that the other person loves, not what you think they will like. Maybe it's emptying the dishwasher or learning to play one of his video games. Maybe it's giving her a break from the kids or him a break from work. Maybe it's watching the other ones favorite movie, or do something you both like to do that you haven't had the chance to do in awhile. Whatever it is, do it and my hope is that it'll continue throughout the year and not just on holidays or birthday and not because you have to but because you LOV to!

*Billy gave me the okay to write this*