lacking motivational lazy habits

I was walking in to work today and I was standing behind a lady who was walking up the escalator very, very slowly. Now my thought is if you want to go that slow, you might as well just take the elevator because the elevator actually beat me up to the 4th floor today! It usually takes about an hour to wait for it and then of course it has to stop on every floor because people think it's easier to wait for the elevator to take them up 1 floor, instead of taking the stairs. UGH biggest pet peeve! When I see moving stairs, that makes me think you'll move faster....obviously not in this ladies case........That story had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with what I wanted to write about but thought I would share because it literally drove me nuts all day. Ugh, one day I'll write a book on proper elevator/escalator etiquette so then all the world will know my frustrations.

I've been thinking ever since I posted my last blog about my weight history, I never really talked about my habits and my lifestyles. Granted I'm sure most of you know how I am if you lived with me, are gresat friends etc. But I think that this plays an important role in my weight gain and my whole story, whether I want to believe it, or not!

For the most part I have come to believe that I was a lazy child, but at the time, if you called me lazy I would argue with you until I was blue in face. See now that I write lazy I don't know if I would call it that, or really lacked motivation. I was active when I wanted to be, but when it was for something, "productive" like housework/chores or school work, I was lazy  lacked motivation. When it was time for me to clean my room, I would try and think of ways for my brother and sister to do it, but since I was the youngest I ALWAYS failed. I loved the times when mom would come up and would "help" me clean, but that also meant that I got to re-arrange my room. However, the cleaning would take up most of the day and it never would really get finished, because lets be honest, I lacked motivation  was lazy! But honestly I don't remember really ever, fully cleaning my own room and of course I never just did it on my own. I wanted to do other things, like watch t.v., go outside, or play. I got spanked a couple of times because it was messy, but it just stopped after awhile...probably because it was still a mess and they realized grounding/spanking me wasn't doing anything. I was the kid that hated snow days, summer vacation, weekends, or any long period away from school because this meant 1 of 3 things.  1. helping dad outside with pig chores i.e scooping poop, snow, giving vaccines, clipping tails all that nastiness. 2. doing house work that mom put off until a "rainyday" and 3. cleaning everything/my room. When we got done doing said 1 of 3 things, I would sit down and watch T.V. until dad came in from the outside. Now when you heard that door slam you knew you had exactly 10 minutes to turn the T.V. off and make a mad dash off the couch either upstairs, or find something to make it look like you are doing something. Nothing bothered dad more than me sitting on my butt watching T.V. Probably because to him I looked like I was being lazy.

In school I was that kid that was the over-achiever.  I would try and go above and beyond all homework assignments, projects you name it, but once it got too difficult, that's where my mother stepped in. See my brother and my sister claimed that mom did everything for me. While I agree to some extent, I still argue that I did make that gingerbread house my 3rd grade year. I loved school, hated math (still do) and thought that I didn't do too bad. I remember when I told my parents that I wanted to be in 4-H. Every year there was the dreaded record book. HATED MORE THAN EVER! I don't think I ever answered them myself. I asked my mom each question and she told me what to write. It was the same thing with sermon notes for confirmation...like heck I was actually going to pay attention to some boring sermons...I wanted to doodle. So I would ask my mom the questions and she would tell me what to say. Man I remember my mother still washed my hair when I was in 4th grade! I was never taught how until I went away to camp for a week in the summer when I was in 5th grade. (All the years before, I didn't wash my hair.....) sometimes I feel like there were lots of things that I see kids do now, or even saw my friends do, that I was never taught, and maybe I was but I don't remember.

When I went off to college is when I really learned how to be on my own. Even then I still leaned on others to do things for me. I was a follower and still am to some extent. I was still a mess and never really cleaned up after myself. When I lived in an apt with Casey and Kelsey, Casey was like the mom I never had. No joke, she made me clean up my room all the time, make my bed and do dishes. And then I transferred to a different college and I was still a mess. I didn't make a lot of mess in public areas like the living room or kitchen, but my room was always a mess. I remember when Morgan lived with me, she would even help me clean every once in awhile. Some of you may be wondering about my laundry, yeah I can go like a month or 2 with washing clothes. (still can.) When it came to homework and projects I would do just fine, but when something came up that was harder, I would procrastinate to the deepest depths of procrastination, and then I would hand in the assignment or project and totally hate what I did because I didn't have my mother there to do it  ran out of time. Most of my art projects in college are sub par because I waited until the last second to do them and I couldn't do it on my own.

When Billy and I first started talking about getting married, I thought that once I got married I would start to be more clean and start getting more motivated to do things other than sit on my butt. However, I learned that was not the case. While I have gotten a little better at cleaning up, it still isn't where my OCD husband would like it to be. That's why I married him right? opposites always attract.....My husband is very gracious about me not picking up after myself, but I know it would show him I loved him more if I did pick up all the time and not have him trip over my shoes when he walks in the door. (even though his shoes are there too...I just have more...) Also, I have always been a person to start something and never finish. Coloring was horrible for me. I would love to start, but then I would get bored and never finish. I have a whole bunch of started projects and paintings and this and that but never follow through and finish them. side note. I'm sitting on our couch typing and my husband leans over and says "you're even keeping up with your blog! The old Anndee would have done 2 posts and never look back." I can always find other things that I would rather be doing, mainly watching hulu, or cooking/baking. I think about cleaning all the time but always get tied up doing something on the computer or going somewhere. When I first started exercising I would have to choose between exercising and cleaning when I got home from work because I didnt' know how to manage my time better when I got home to do all those things. I'm not really a multitasker.....if I'm watching T.V please don't tell me something important because I'm probably not going to remember what you are saying.

Not only am I sticking with the exercise and losing weight, I think I need to shift my goals a little bit. I'm going to concentrate more on managing my time, picking up after myself and starting to become an adult, I guess you could say. I have told my co-workers that if I had a kid right now I don't know what I would do! I get up half hour before I need/leave for work, I don't really cook supper when I get home, and I'm not that good at keeping the house clean. Sticking with the weight loss has taught me that I can stick with something and hopefully finish. I have have fluctuated a lot, but I'm still working on meeting that goal of being 165, and then once I hit that, maybe going smaller or even trying to maintain that. I'll of course keep you posted on how my new goals turn out!