So this weekend I did a pretty crappy job at keeping track of my calories. On friday during the day all I had to eat was Halloween candy and came home and wanted to eat everything under the sun. So we ended up going to McDonald's........epic fail. When I woke up on saturday I decided not to weigh myself because I was ashamed by the happenings of the previous day that I just wanted to forget. So on Saturday I made an apple pie and I think that was the only thing I ate...2 pieces of apple pie. On Sunday when I woke up I weighed 203.2 and I was excited thinking that it wouldn't take long now! I even went to the gym before church! Well I consumed a venti Iced coffee with caramel, two chocolate crossaints (children's ministry at our church serves us day old Panera pastries every sunday for teaching sunday school......) I didn't eat anything until small group that night which was a piece of cheesecake and a bowl of potato soup. When I woke up this morning I was 205.3.......angry face. I knew it was too good to be true. So today's stats are as follows......
Total calories before work out: 994
work out: 20 min walking over lunch 100
(getting ready to go to gym)
Breakfast: 199
greek yogurt
peach
herbal english breakfast tea
Lunch: 660
chic fila grilled chicken sandwich (no sauce)
medium waffle fry
24 oz water
Snacks: 135
milky way mini
Hershey's fun size
sweet stripe mint
I'm really not hungry for dinner tonight. I probably should eat something but I don't think I'll wither away.
Monday, November 3, 2014
Friday, October 31, 2014
Already slacking
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I've been busy with training and getting things ready for training at work, that I forgot to jot down what I have been eating. I can tell you that I didn't weigh myself yesterday morning....or this morning for that matter because I completely forgot!
Today I can tell you all that I have eaten is Halloween candy. I haven't eaten anything else.........I'm so horrible. However I can tell you that I plan to work out tonight! OH and I didn't work out the last 2 nights. Wednesday was because I was making part of a halloween costume for a friend, and we watch a 2nd grader on Wednesday nights as well, that I didn't have time to head to the gym....and yesterday I was so concentrated on making my Where's Waldo costume that when I was done, it was time to go to bed. AHHH craziness!!!!! But we'll get back into it! Nobody said it was gonna be easy!
Today I can tell you all that I have eaten is Halloween candy. I haven't eaten anything else.........I'm so horrible. However I can tell you that I plan to work out tonight! OH and I didn't work out the last 2 nights. Wednesday was because I was making part of a halloween costume for a friend, and we watch a 2nd grader on Wednesday nights as well, that I didn't have time to head to the gym....and yesterday I was so concentrated on making my Where's Waldo costume that when I was done, it was time to go to bed. AHHH craziness!!!!! But we'll get back into it! Nobody said it was gonna be easy!
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Soup of the Day
I'm watching Kitchen Nightmares and the lady that owns the restaurant doesn't know what Soup of the Day means. I thought it would be a funny title for my blog because that's all I can think about right now...anywho ON TO STATS!
Today was a hard food day all around. I thought I was going to do well, but I ate well over 1200 calories before dinner....I was really busy after work so I was unable to get a work out in...however, my friend and I walked for 45 mins over lunch, which we thought we were doing about 3 mph and went about a mile and a half....my lose it app told me I burned about 182 calories.
Even though I burned 182 calories....I then ate a bag of Applewood Smoked BBQ chips which....was 180 calories.....way to go Anndee. Anyways here are my stats for today....man why am I watching cooking shows when I'm starving?
morning weigh in: 205.2
total calories consumed: 1301
45 min walk: burned 182 calories
Breakfast: 605
whole wheat bagel
2 tsbp peanut butter
Chobani blueberry greek yogurt
small plum:
11 oz English Breakfast Tea
Snacks: 270
Reese's Peanut Butter Cup:
3 malted milk balls
Applewood BBQ chips
Lunch: 426
Homemade chili
1/2 C blueberries
cheesestick
Hopefully I won't regret stepping on the scale tomorrow....
Today was a hard food day all around. I thought I was going to do well, but I ate well over 1200 calories before dinner....I was really busy after work so I was unable to get a work out in...however, my friend and I walked for 45 mins over lunch, which we thought we were doing about 3 mph and went about a mile and a half....my lose it app told me I burned about 182 calories.
Even though I burned 182 calories....I then ate a bag of Applewood Smoked BBQ chips which....was 180 calories.....way to go Anndee. Anyways here are my stats for today....man why am I watching cooking shows when I'm starving?
morning weigh in: 205.2
total calories consumed: 1301
45 min walk: burned 182 calories
Breakfast: 605
whole wheat bagel
2 tsbp peanut butter
Chobani blueberry greek yogurt
small plum:
11 oz English Breakfast Tea
Snacks: 270
Reese's Peanut Butter Cup:
3 malted milk balls
Applewood BBQ chips
Lunch: 426
Homemade chili
1/2 C blueberries
cheesestick
Hopefully I won't regret stepping on the scale tomorrow....
The Stats
Alright! I'm already a day late in posting....I knew this would happen, however I was busy last night so this morning will just have to do. Anyways here are my stats for yesterday. I wasn't overly impressed but I'm not disappointed.
I ate a lot yesterday....or at least I feel like I did.....
starting weight: 206.4
work out: 250 calories burned
total calories after work out: 1291.5
Breakfast: 515
Avocado
2 eggs
1 cup strawberries
1 cup blueberries
11 oz Harry and David's herbal Irish Breakfast Tea
Lunch: 337.5
half cucumber sliced
10 grape tomatoes
Turkey and cheese sandwich on wheat bread
11 oz herbal red tea
32 oz caffeine free Diet Coke (1/4 regular Diet Coke)
Dinner: 689
big bowl of pop corn (1/2 cup unpopped)
1/2 stick butter
cheese stick
1 cup blueberries
Starting weight this morning: 205.2
I'm not disappointed...it's a good start...however there will be Pizza Ranch on Thursday...Lord help us all! :) Have a good day everybody! Until later!
I ate a lot yesterday....or at least I feel like I did.....
starting weight: 206.4
work out: 250 calories burned
total calories after work out: 1291.5
Breakfast: 515
Avocado
2 eggs
1 cup strawberries
1 cup blueberries
11 oz Harry and David's herbal Irish Breakfast Tea
Lunch: 337.5
half cucumber sliced
10 grape tomatoes
Turkey and cheese sandwich on wheat bread
11 oz herbal red tea
32 oz caffeine free Diet Coke (1/4 regular Diet Coke)
Dinner: 689
big bowl of pop corn (1/2 cup unpopped)
1/2 stick butter
cheese stick
1 cup blueberries
Starting weight this morning: 205.2
I'm not disappointed...it's a good start...however there will be Pizza Ranch on Thursday...Lord help us all! :) Have a good day everybody! Until later!
Monday, October 27, 2014
Starting Over
It's been a year. One, long, year. A year since I lost motivation of working out and trying to lose weight. I will say that I'm impressed that I've only gained 10 pounds in a year, but it's not where I was hoping to be at this point in time and certainly not over 200 pounds. I told myself when I came back from Costa Rica last year (I weighed 192) that I would NEVER be over 200 pounds again. Of ocurse until I get preggers. I think back to the time when I first started and how motivated I was; I thought nothing could stop me and the weight would just come off! I'd be to my goal weight in no time! Then the brick wall smacked me in my face and I was stuck. I couldn't move. I just maintained. Only to a couple of months ago to where I stopped maintaining and just went back to old habits.
The funny thing is I noticed how confident I was in myself and how anti-depressed I was when I was working out and losing weight. I was ME! I was never thinking about what others thought of me because my self worth and esteem were through. the. roof! I could slowly feel myself get more sluggish and depressed...why would anyone put themselves through that?
It's time to kick this in the butt once and for all! No more feeling sorry for myself, no more pitty parties and depression. NO MORE DIET COKE! No more muffin tops and shopping in certain parts of the store! Time for cute sexy underwear and dancing around my apartment naked cuz I love the way that I look and damn proud of of it! (More sex with the husband because I feel more attractive! Can I get an AMEN?)
I'm starting over. I'm going back to making a daily calorie log and this will be just that! Keep me in check and accountable! I'll write down my weight and my daily weigh in's as well as what I'm eating and the calories. If I don't write a blog post one day, please someone yell at me no matter where you are from!
My goal for this month is to be back to 192 by December 1st. Ideally I want to be 185-180 by New Years Eve....That's a big goal! I have about 15 pounds to lose.....but I'm confident and think that I can do this. Tomorrow will be the official first day of logging in food but my husband is already headed to the gym so I need to go to! Until tomorrow...bye bye fat!
The funny thing is I noticed how confident I was in myself and how anti-depressed I was when I was working out and losing weight. I was ME! I was never thinking about what others thought of me because my self worth and esteem were through. the. roof! I could slowly feel myself get more sluggish and depressed...why would anyone put themselves through that?
It's time to kick this in the butt once and for all! No more feeling sorry for myself, no more pitty parties and depression. NO MORE DIET COKE! No more muffin tops and shopping in certain parts of the store! Time for cute sexy underwear and dancing around my apartment naked cuz I love the way that I look and damn proud of of it! (More sex with the husband because I feel more attractive! Can I get an AMEN?)
I'm starting over. I'm going back to making a daily calorie log and this will be just that! Keep me in check and accountable! I'll write down my weight and my daily weigh in's as well as what I'm eating and the calories. If I don't write a blog post one day, please someone yell at me no matter where you are from!
My goal for this month is to be back to 192 by December 1st. Ideally I want to be 185-180 by New Years Eve....That's a big goal! I have about 15 pounds to lose.....but I'm confident and think that I can do this. Tomorrow will be the official first day of logging in food but my husband is already headed to the gym so I need to go to! Until tomorrow...bye bye fat!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Here's to New Years and Resolutions
Lots of things happened in the year 2013. Some good, some sad, up, and down but to be honest, it was a really great year! So many things happened this year and probably in the midst of it all I was feeling distressed and upset but looking back, I grew and learned soooooo much this year. Lets see what happened in 2013 for the Simmons family
January
*We made a commitment to lose weight together. We achieved much, but still have a lot to go! 2014 will be getting back into the grind of working out and eating right.
*And don't forget Billy and his fathers' birthday!
Feburary
*Anndee got baptised. Billy's family came down as well as Anndee's sister and brother-in-law. It was a great time to share with family
*Anndee starts running. I hated the sound of running when I first started...I haven't run since October and I can feel it. Here's to back-tracking what I already did!
March
*Anndee starts running on Monday's with a group of runners. This was a fun run for "all running types" however, my friend and I were deceived when they all ran 5 miles and we didn't even make it a half mile...
April
*Anndee's Birthday
May
*Anndee starts a 5k training program and signs up to run her first 5k. I started getting into this whole running thing and challenged myself by being in the advanced group the whole time, because I knew if I didn't, then I wouldn't try my hardest...it turned out to be a great idea
June
*Anndee run/walks first 5k. It was the Color Blaze in Springfield...I'm sure the Color Run would be much better as this Color Blaze is the bootleg version
*Billy decides he's going to start working on getting into the school system by applying for assistant jobs in local school districts. I'm so very proud that he made this decision.
July
*Anndee applies for teaching jobs and other art jobs in the area, and interviews for a full time position for current job. There were 3 art teaching jobs that opened up in the area and one in a K-12 school about 10 mins away. It would have been the ideal job for me, however I didn't get any interviews. There was another job that opened up at Illinois Wesleyan, to be the office coordinator for the Art Department. I thought that would have been the best job in the world! I had an initial interview with HR and they LOVED me...I never had a second interview and was given a letter a month later...after college was back in session, that I didn't get the job...thanks but I think already knew...
August
*Billy quits State Farm/Temp and becomes a Special Ed assistant for Kingsley Jr. High. Most people that we tell this to are baffled that he would give up a job at State Farm and the chance to be hired on, to go work as a special ed assistant for Junior High kids. But here's the thing, when you have passion to do something and when you know it's your calling, you need to follow it. Eventually it'll lead to great things, even though the timing may suck, or you're not getting paid as much as you would have but these are all things we considered when he decided to this. It's not like it wasn't thought through.
*Anndee gets hired on full time with State Farm. I was really excited when this day hit and then when I realized what it actually was...I'm glad I did and they saw that I had potential and great work ethic, but I can't wait to get to where I really want to be with State Farm and that is either Creative Services or Learning and Development.
*Anndee goes to California with family to a very special friend's wedding. This was one of the BEST vacations. I had so much fun seeing Hollywood and LA and spending time with my dear sister Morgan and her wonderful son and spending much needed time with our dear friend who got married! It was the most beautiful wedding I had ever been through, and this may be sappy of me, but it was the only wedding to where I had tears running down my cheek. Seeing Tierney walk down the aisle so confidently, and how beautiful she looked and to think back to what her life has been and to share this moment with her was priceless. I can't be more happy for her!
*Anndee RUNS her first 5k. Yes folks that's right! With a time of 40 minutes 30 seconds, Anndee ran an entire 5k without stopping. This was the graduation race for the 5k training program.
September
*Anndee joins the fall 5k training group...but doesn't commit to follow through with this program. This was when I was under 200 pounds and have maintained that weight the rest of the year.....the lowest weight being 193. but hey, I haven't gone over 200 so I'm very proud for fluctuating 5-6 pounds for 4 months!
October
*Anndee's car starts breaking down slowly. I started to feel glum and it didn't really end until December. I wasn't feeling appreciated at work, finances were constantly on my mind trying to figure out how we could afford a car and the dreams of getting house someday, in my mind, were going out the window...I stopped working out, lost motivation and basically got my life sucked out of me.
November
*Anndee's mom died 5 years ago this month. It's getting a little easier now that some of the firsts are out of the way...however, not all of them. I don't how many times I've had an art question and I'll be like, "I need to call mom," and as I pick up my phone, I realize that I can't. That's when I remember that I have a husband who is an art major. How ironic right? It's hard when people talk about their mom's or hearing them arguing with them....what I would give to have those moments again.
*Anndee's car officially dies. We don't really know exactly what is wrong with it, but know that it's something to do with the transmission/system tracking and electrical system......yay! So we went on the hunt for a car and found one, thankfully, but it wasn't a fun time. We ended up getting a 2012 Nissan Versa, I call it the Mario Kart car because it's small and I feel like with every turn I take I need to be throwing shells or banana peels behind me...and ooooo the mystery boxes would be fun too.
*Anndee and Billy spent Thanksgiving with a WONDERFUL family from our church that we have all adopted each other as family. So grateful for them and their hospitality always! Someday Billy will win in Blokus and hopefully we'll someday soon play Ticket to Ride
December
*Anndee goes to Costa Rica with a friend from work. We went ziplining, (which broke my fear of heights) took an ATV tour around the Volcano, went horseback riding around the Volcano and then went to a Wildlife Refuge to see the wildlife that we had hoped to see on the tours, but didn't. Even though we lost a day due to weather, it was still a fun trip. Some day I hope to go back and see the things that I didn't get to see, but until then I'll have to dream!
*We spent Christmas with both Billy and Anndee's families. Christmas day was spent with Billy's family in Gary. Lots of food, fun, laughter and playing with Makayla (fatface) is always enjoyable. We then spent the weekend after Christmas with Anndee's family in Eldridge, IA at her sister's house with LOTS of children and tons of fun!
*We spent New Years Eve with close friends going out to dinner. Anndee did the unthinkable, and tried a piece of swordfish. Now if you didn't know, I have a terrifying fear of fish. I don't eat them, I don't look at them, I don't touch them, dead or alive, real or in picture books, I'm terrified. I tried it and did not like it at all....all I could taste was fish...yuck....however the others at the table loved it! Kudos...no fish for me thank you!
So what will 2014 bring for the Simmons household? I don't know. But with all our traveling over the Christmas season, we've discussed a lot of how we are going to do things differently this year. To be honest I'm really excited to see the year unfolds and how we both grow, challenge and lean on each other. In a previous post, I said that I wanted to live a simpler life style and try to be content and happy no matter what. I'm going to work on losing more weight and go back to the healthier life that I did have before. Here's to 2014!
November
*Anndee's mom died 5 years ago this month. It's getting a little easier now that some of the firsts are out of the way...however, not all of them. I don't how many times I've had an art question and I'll be like, "I need to call mom," and as I pick up my phone, I realize that I can't. That's when I remember that I have a husband who is an art major. How ironic right? It's hard when people talk about their mom's or hearing them arguing with them....what I would give to have those moments again.
*Anndee's car officially dies. We don't really know exactly what is wrong with it, but know that it's something to do with the transmission/system tracking and electrical system......yay! So we went on the hunt for a car and found one, thankfully, but it wasn't a fun time. We ended up getting a 2012 Nissan Versa, I call it the Mario Kart car because it's small and I feel like with every turn I take I need to be throwing shells or banana peels behind me...and ooooo the mystery boxes would be fun too.
*Anndee and Billy spent Thanksgiving with a WONDERFUL family from our church that we have all adopted each other as family. So grateful for them and their hospitality always! Someday Billy will win in Blokus and hopefully we'll someday soon play Ticket to Ride
December
*Anndee goes to Costa Rica with a friend from work. We went ziplining, (which broke my fear of heights) took an ATV tour around the Volcano, went horseback riding around the Volcano and then went to a Wildlife Refuge to see the wildlife that we had hoped to see on the tours, but didn't. Even though we lost a day due to weather, it was still a fun trip. Some day I hope to go back and see the things that I didn't get to see, but until then I'll have to dream!
*We spent Christmas with both Billy and Anndee's families. Christmas day was spent with Billy's family in Gary. Lots of food, fun, laughter and playing with Makayla (fatface) is always enjoyable. We then spent the weekend after Christmas with Anndee's family in Eldridge, IA at her sister's house with LOTS of children and tons of fun!
*We spent New Years Eve with close friends going out to dinner. Anndee did the unthinkable, and tried a piece of swordfish. Now if you didn't know, I have a terrifying fear of fish. I don't eat them, I don't look at them, I don't touch them, dead or alive, real or in picture books, I'm terrified. I tried it and did not like it at all....all I could taste was fish...yuck....however the others at the table loved it! Kudos...no fish for me thank you!
So what will 2014 bring for the Simmons household? I don't know. But with all our traveling over the Christmas season, we've discussed a lot of how we are going to do things differently this year. To be honest I'm really excited to see the year unfolds and how we both grow, challenge and lean on each other. In a previous post, I said that I wanted to live a simpler life style and try to be content and happy no matter what. I'm going to work on losing more weight and go back to the healthier life that I did have before. Here's to 2014!
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Thanks
I've been writing this post since Thanksgiving. I LOVE Thanksgiving time not only because of the food but it's a time to remember all of the things that we are thankful for, however, it has taken me a little while to figure out what I am truly THANKFUL for this year and I gotta tell ya, it still hasn't sunk in...
I don't really reflect on what I'm thankful for; usually I'm excited for a day off work and awesome food. But this year is a little different for me. This year has really been a transformation year for both of us and while it hasn't been easy, looking back on it, I don't ever want to live like I used to. You see jumping ahead to News Years, I'm planning on making a resolution to simplify my life. Last year it was all about the weight loss and believe you me it's still going to be a part of that, but 2014 will be a year of being content, being happy and living a life filled with joy beyond compare because I know that there is something better after this life and I can't wait! Here's a little story to bring up what I'm talking about.
When we moved here I worked at a daycare. I thought it would be nice to get a job in somewhat the field that I went to school for and being an Assistant Director would look good on a resume being that I would have some sort of leadership abilities. However, it turned out to be a horrible idea, except for the wonderful friendship that was made with a dear friend. I then got a job as a "permanent" temp at State Farm working in the Bank Operations Center. I would come and go every day wondering if I was going to get a call saying that I wasn't needed anymore, and dreading taking a day off work because I knew I wasn't going to get paid for that day, but since we got paid every week....it wasn't so bad, but I dreamed every day of being a full time employee; if I could just get a salary and benefits, everything will be better and we can go ahead and live our lives like "married couples are supposed to," and then it happened. 2 years later, I finally got hired on and I used the analogy of being a pawn and reaching the other side of the chess board to be queened. I was so excited and thought yes, this will make me happy! This is what we have been waiting for!............but the happiness never came. There is still an emptiness inside because even though I got salary and benefits, it's not what I thought it was going to be, and sadly if I were doing what my degree tells me I can do, I would be making more! And my husband decided to quite being a temp at State Farm to become a Special Ed Assistant just to get his foot in the door with teaching. That's another story of itself with all the testing to be done to get his Illinois license, but I'm so proud of him for sticking with it and doing what he loves. He's happy. He's content. He has joy. and he's ever so thankful.
Until I fill that void with Jesus and learn to be fully content and thankful, I'm never going to get there.....I remember being on staff at a bible camp that is near and dear to my heart and I remember hearing the, "Jesus needs to fill the void" speech over and over again and be like, duh I know. Sadly it hasn't hit me until now. I think that a good place to start is coming up with a list of things that I'm thankful for. I see it on facebook, you know the 30 days of Thanks....I actually make fun of it...(I'm going to offend people and I'm really sorry) because I feel like people just do it and they try to think of things they are thankful for so they say Starbucks, and sunsets but don't dig deeper into what they are truly thankful for. To me, it's not real. But that's probably just the jerk inside of me coming out. HOWERVER, I thought that since I'm trying to start anew, it would be good for me to come up with a list of things I'm thankful for, (and I'm probably getting judged by every eye that reads this) here goes!
1. I'm thankful for my husband and his family. I've learned so much and haven't laughed nearly as much as I do with him and all of them. they are a true blessing.
2. I'm thankful that I have a loving family that loves and supports each other. Yes we will not always agree, but we still love each other.
3. I'm thankful that I grew up in a christian home
4. I'm thankful that I grew up with both parents and now have a new family to enjoy the rest of life with
5. I'm thankful for every moment I got to spend with my mother. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her or wonder what life would be like if she were still here
6. I'm thankful that I have a job. Granted it's not a job that I want, but I know it'll lead to other things and it pays the bills. It may not be as much as I would like it to be, but God is still taking care of us.
7. I'm thankful for every day I wake up. We don't know when it's going to be our time to go
8. I'm thankful that my dad gets a second chance at love, because as much as I fought against it, everyone deserves to love and be loved
9. I'm thankful that I have a place to live. Granted we haven't turned the heat on, it's freezing, but the people below have turned theres on making it around 50 up in here! it's warmer than outside and we are still doing okay.
10. I'm thankful that I can go to movies and do fun things with friends and not have to worry about this or that.
11. I'm thankful that I have a fridge and cupboards full of food
12. I'm thankful and slightly disgusted, that I have a closet and dresser overflowing with clothes and a washer and dryer to wash them
13. I'm thankful that I have a bed to sleep on. My husband told me a story about the Jr. High that he teaches at. He said that lots of the kids do poorly on tests and the figured out the reason was because a lot of the kids didn't have a bed. So apparently State Farm donated beds to the kids and their test scores/grades improved!
14. I'm thankful that I decided to walk on the path of the straight and narrow
15. I'm thankful that I have a car, it has heat/air, it gets me from point a to point b and doesn't have mirrors on the visors but I love it
16. I'm thankful that I'm creative and have the ability to use my imagination to create awesome things and be able to see that in others
17. I'm thankful to live in a time where my husband and I can be together. Yes people still judge and look, and might not understand, but some time ago it wouldn't have happened
18. I'm thankful that even though we live in a wretched, corrupt world, there is a light at the end of the tunnel
19. I'm thankful that even though my husband is an artist with me, he is the complete opposite of me in every regard
20. I'm thankful for my church. I've grown and learned so much these past 2 years by meeting new people listening to what Pastor Rick has to share, even the days when other people preach I learn so much, and serving in children's ministries and teaching small group. It's home!
21. I'm thankful that I forgive easily
22. I'm thankful for the friends that I have made here in BloNo. even though the majority of them hate it here and want to live some place else, or have already moved some place else, or are thinking of moving some place else, I'm really blessed to have crossed paths with them
23. I'm thankful that I have water to drink. Anytime that I'm thirsty or need to take a shower or brush my teeth, I can
24. I'm thankful to have a phone. No it's not a smartphone. I still have a dumbphone. It calls, it texts it sends pictures. It has all the basics covered. laugh all you want!
25. I'm thankful I grew up on a farm and 30 minutes from civilization. add to that a small town
I know there is plenty more, but I'm good with 25. It's a start. Lets see where this takes me. Have a wonderful holiday season everyone!
I don't really reflect on what I'm thankful for; usually I'm excited for a day off work and awesome food. But this year is a little different for me. This year has really been a transformation year for both of us and while it hasn't been easy, looking back on it, I don't ever want to live like I used to. You see jumping ahead to News Years, I'm planning on making a resolution to simplify my life. Last year it was all about the weight loss and believe you me it's still going to be a part of that, but 2014 will be a year of being content, being happy and living a life filled with joy beyond compare because I know that there is something better after this life and I can't wait! Here's a little story to bring up what I'm talking about.
When we moved here I worked at a daycare. I thought it would be nice to get a job in somewhat the field that I went to school for and being an Assistant Director would look good on a resume being that I would have some sort of leadership abilities. However, it turned out to be a horrible idea, except for the wonderful friendship that was made with a dear friend. I then got a job as a "permanent" temp at State Farm working in the Bank Operations Center. I would come and go every day wondering if I was going to get a call saying that I wasn't needed anymore, and dreading taking a day off work because I knew I wasn't going to get paid for that day, but since we got paid every week....it wasn't so bad, but I dreamed every day of being a full time employee; if I could just get a salary and benefits, everything will be better and we can go ahead and live our lives like "married couples are supposed to," and then it happened. 2 years later, I finally got hired on and I used the analogy of being a pawn and reaching the other side of the chess board to be queened. I was so excited and thought yes, this will make me happy! This is what we have been waiting for!............but the happiness never came. There is still an emptiness inside because even though I got salary and benefits, it's not what I thought it was going to be, and sadly if I were doing what my degree tells me I can do, I would be making more! And my husband decided to quite being a temp at State Farm to become a Special Ed Assistant just to get his foot in the door with teaching. That's another story of itself with all the testing to be done to get his Illinois license, but I'm so proud of him for sticking with it and doing what he loves. He's happy. He's content. He has joy. and he's ever so thankful.
Until I fill that void with Jesus and learn to be fully content and thankful, I'm never going to get there.....I remember being on staff at a bible camp that is near and dear to my heart and I remember hearing the, "Jesus needs to fill the void" speech over and over again and be like, duh I know. Sadly it hasn't hit me until now. I think that a good place to start is coming up with a list of things that I'm thankful for. I see it on facebook, you know the 30 days of Thanks....I actually make fun of it...(I'm going to offend people and I'm really sorry) because I feel like people just do it and they try to think of things they are thankful for so they say Starbucks, and sunsets but don't dig deeper into what they are truly thankful for. To me, it's not real. But that's probably just the jerk inside of me coming out. HOWERVER, I thought that since I'm trying to start anew, it would be good for me to come up with a list of things I'm thankful for, (and I'm probably getting judged by every eye that reads this) here goes!
1. I'm thankful for my husband and his family. I've learned so much and haven't laughed nearly as much as I do with him and all of them. they are a true blessing.
2. I'm thankful that I have a loving family that loves and supports each other. Yes we will not always agree, but we still love each other.
3. I'm thankful that I grew up in a christian home
4. I'm thankful that I grew up with both parents and now have a new family to enjoy the rest of life with
5. I'm thankful for every moment I got to spend with my mother. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her or wonder what life would be like if she were still here
6. I'm thankful that I have a job. Granted it's not a job that I want, but I know it'll lead to other things and it pays the bills. It may not be as much as I would like it to be, but God is still taking care of us.
7. I'm thankful for every day I wake up. We don't know when it's going to be our time to go
8. I'm thankful that my dad gets a second chance at love, because as much as I fought against it, everyone deserves to love and be loved
9. I'm thankful that I have a place to live. Granted we haven't turned the heat on, it's freezing, but the people below have turned theres on making it around 50 up in here! it's warmer than outside and we are still doing okay.
10. I'm thankful that I can go to movies and do fun things with friends and not have to worry about this or that.
11. I'm thankful that I have a fridge and cupboards full of food
12. I'm thankful and slightly disgusted, that I have a closet and dresser overflowing with clothes and a washer and dryer to wash them
13. I'm thankful that I have a bed to sleep on. My husband told me a story about the Jr. High that he teaches at. He said that lots of the kids do poorly on tests and the figured out the reason was because a lot of the kids didn't have a bed. So apparently State Farm donated beds to the kids and their test scores/grades improved!
14. I'm thankful that I decided to walk on the path of the straight and narrow
15. I'm thankful that I have a car, it has heat/air, it gets me from point a to point b and doesn't have mirrors on the visors but I love it
16. I'm thankful that I'm creative and have the ability to use my imagination to create awesome things and be able to see that in others
17. I'm thankful to live in a time where my husband and I can be together. Yes people still judge and look, and might not understand, but some time ago it wouldn't have happened
18. I'm thankful that even though we live in a wretched, corrupt world, there is a light at the end of the tunnel
19. I'm thankful that even though my husband is an artist with me, he is the complete opposite of me in every regard
20. I'm thankful for my church. I've grown and learned so much these past 2 years by meeting new people listening to what Pastor Rick has to share, even the days when other people preach I learn so much, and serving in children's ministries and teaching small group. It's home!
21. I'm thankful that I forgive easily
22. I'm thankful for the friends that I have made here in BloNo. even though the majority of them hate it here and want to live some place else, or have already moved some place else, or are thinking of moving some place else, I'm really blessed to have crossed paths with them
23. I'm thankful that I have water to drink. Anytime that I'm thirsty or need to take a shower or brush my teeth, I can
24. I'm thankful to have a phone. No it's not a smartphone. I still have a dumbphone. It calls, it texts it sends pictures. It has all the basics covered. laugh all you want!
25. I'm thankful I grew up on a farm and 30 minutes from civilization. add to that a small town
I know there is plenty more, but I'm good with 25. It's a start. Lets see where this takes me. Have a wonderful holiday season everyone!
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