I've been writing this post since Thanksgiving. I LOVE Thanksgiving time not only because of the food but it's a time to remember all of the things that we are thankful for, however, it has taken me a little while to figure out what I am truly THANKFUL for this year and I gotta tell ya, it still hasn't sunk in...
I don't really reflect on what I'm thankful for; usually I'm excited for a day off work and awesome food. But this year is a little different for me. This year has really been a transformation year for both of us and while it hasn't been easy, looking back on it, I don't ever want to live like I used to. You see jumping ahead to News Years, I'm planning on making a resolution to simplify my life. Last year it was all about the weight loss and believe you me it's still going to be a part of that, but 2014 will be a year of being content, being happy and living a life filled with joy beyond compare because I know that there is something better after this life and I can't wait! Here's a little story to bring up what I'm talking about.
When we moved here I worked at a daycare. I thought it would be nice to get a job in somewhat the field that I went to school for and being an Assistant Director would look good on a resume being that I would have some sort of leadership abilities. However, it turned out to be a horrible idea, except for the wonderful friendship that was made with a dear friend. I then got a job as a "permanent" temp at State Farm working in the Bank Operations Center. I would come and go every day wondering if I was going to get a call saying that I wasn't needed anymore, and dreading taking a day off work because I knew I wasn't going to get paid for that day, but since we got paid every week....it wasn't so bad, but I dreamed every day of being a full time employee; if I could just get a salary and benefits, everything will be better and we can go ahead and live our lives like "married couples are supposed to," and then it happened. 2 years later, I finally got hired on and I used the analogy of being a pawn and reaching the other side of the chess board to be queened. I was so excited and thought yes, this will make me happy! This is what we have been waiting for!............but the happiness never came. There is still an emptiness inside because even though I got salary and benefits, it's not what I thought it was going to be, and sadly if I were doing what my degree tells me I can do, I would be making more! And my husband decided to quite being a temp at State Farm to become a Special Ed Assistant just to get his foot in the door with teaching. That's another story of itself with all the testing to be done to get his Illinois license, but I'm so proud of him for sticking with it and doing what he loves. He's happy. He's content. He has joy. and he's ever so thankful.
Until I fill that void with Jesus and learn to be fully content and thankful, I'm never going to get there.....I remember being on staff at a bible camp that is near and dear to my heart and I remember hearing the, "Jesus needs to fill the void" speech over and over again and be like, duh I know. Sadly it hasn't hit me until now. I think that a good place to start is coming up with a list of things that I'm thankful for. I see it on facebook, you know the 30 days of Thanks....I actually make fun of it...(I'm going to offend people and I'm really sorry) because I feel like people just do it and they try to think of things they are thankful for so they say Starbucks, and sunsets but don't dig deeper into what they are truly thankful for. To me, it's not real. But that's probably just the jerk inside of me coming out. HOWERVER, I thought that since I'm trying to start anew, it would be good for me to come up with a list of things I'm thankful for, (and I'm probably getting judged by every eye that reads this) here goes!
1. I'm thankful for my husband and his family. I've learned so much and haven't laughed nearly as much as I do with him and all of them. they are a true blessing.
2. I'm thankful that I have a loving family that loves and supports each other. Yes we will not always agree, but we still love each other.
3. I'm thankful that I grew up in a christian home
4. I'm thankful that I grew up with both parents and now have a new family to enjoy the rest of life with
5. I'm thankful for every moment I got to spend with my mother. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her or wonder what life would be like if she were still here
6. I'm thankful that I have a job. Granted it's not a job that I want, but I know it'll lead to other things and it pays the bills. It may not be as much as I would like it to be, but God is still taking care of us.
7. I'm thankful for every day I wake up. We don't know when it's going to be our time to go
8. I'm thankful that my dad gets a second chance at love, because as much as I fought against it, everyone deserves to love and be loved
9. I'm thankful that I have a place to live. Granted we haven't turned the heat on, it's freezing, but the people below have turned theres on making it around 50 up in here! it's warmer than outside and we are still doing okay.
10. I'm thankful that I can go to movies and do fun things with friends and not have to worry about this or that.
11. I'm thankful that I have a fridge and cupboards full of food
12. I'm thankful and slightly disgusted, that I have a closet and dresser overflowing with clothes and a washer and dryer to wash them
13. I'm thankful that I have a bed to sleep on. My husband told me a story about the Jr. High that he teaches at. He said that lots of the kids do poorly on tests and the figured out the reason was because a lot of the kids didn't have a bed. So apparently State Farm donated beds to the kids and their test scores/grades improved!
14. I'm thankful that I decided to walk on the path of the straight and narrow
15. I'm thankful that I have a car, it has heat/air, it gets me from point a to point b and doesn't have mirrors on the visors but I love it
16. I'm thankful that I'm creative and have the ability to use my imagination to create awesome things and be able to see that in others
17. I'm thankful to live in a time where my husband and I can be together. Yes people still judge and look, and might not understand, but some time ago it wouldn't have happened
18. I'm thankful that even though we live in a wretched, corrupt world, there is a light at the end of the tunnel
19. I'm thankful that even though my husband is an artist with me, he is the complete opposite of me in every regard
20. I'm thankful for my church. I've grown and learned so much these past 2 years by meeting new people listening to what Pastor Rick has to share, even the days when other people preach I learn so much, and serving in children's ministries and teaching small group. It's home!
21. I'm thankful that I forgive easily
22. I'm thankful for the friends that I have made here in BloNo. even though the majority of them hate it here and want to live some place else, or have already moved some place else, or are thinking of moving some place else, I'm really blessed to have crossed paths with them
23. I'm thankful that I have water to drink. Anytime that I'm thirsty or need to take a shower or brush my teeth, I can
24. I'm thankful to have a phone. No it's not a smartphone. I still have a dumbphone. It calls, it texts it sends pictures. It has all the basics covered. laugh all you want!
25. I'm thankful I grew up on a farm and 30 minutes from civilization. add to that a small town
I know there is plenty more, but I'm good with 25. It's a start. Lets see where this takes me. Have a wonderful holiday season everyone!
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Goals
I've started to notice a trend. I started talking about my weight loss and how I'm doing with that and thought that I would only write about my weight loss....however I'm finding that I'm writing about things completely off the topic of weight loss. However, as I'm going through this journey of becoming a new me, all these new feelings and past memories come up that I need to deal with. Writing is a great outlet for me and I decided to kinda use my blog as my journal....I know some of this stuff should remain private and while most of it does, I really want to let it all out so I don't feel so alone in my feelings....sorry for my awkward writing and thanks for reading! :) happy/funny message to come soon!
I'm not a goal oriented person whatsoever; maybe it's due to mylack of motivation laziness, or maybe the fact that I've never really acknowledged the goals that I have "completed" thus far in my 26 years of life and quite honestly, I feel as though the goals that I've "set" thus far in life are pretty mediocre at best. Such as:.....note: it has taken me 5 minutes to think of a goal I have achieved....graduating college. I don't mean that graduating college isn't a good thing, yes it is a GREAT thing but think about it, I have wasted 5 years and lots of money to have a career in something that I didn't even major in only to make less than what a starting teacher would make and have the same salary as those who didn't even go to college....ponder that. But I had some of the best times of my life in college. I grew and learned so much about myself. Thank you college for all the fun, creativeness that I once held dear and used in my every day life. I guess I could acknowledge this goal by being the board updater at work....my creativeness has lead to using dry erase markers and fun fonts. Congrats.
Getting married. I wanted to get married ever since I could remember. I can remember talking with girls on summer staff at camp that I had the wedding planned out, all I needed to do was insert boy. I dreamed a long time for that to happen and honestly I thought it never would. I have only dated 2 guys in my life, one in highschool and my husband. The guy I dated in high-school, if I can be honest, was my first love. I thought the world of him. I learned a lot from him about a lot of things and always enjoyed being in his company. We broke up before he went off to college and I'll admit, I thought that was the best I could get and tried to make it happen over and over again. And if I can be honest yet again, and I'm really sorry if this offends anyone but when I found out he was gay, I was so hurt and and confused; my life was turned upside down and thought so much less of myself and told myself,"you can't love anyone because you'll turn them gay." I never in a million years thought that the man of my dreams would be a black man and the saying is so true that once you go black, you never go back.....I'm sorry, that violated so many unspoken laws.....and so many people are reading this......shut up Anndee....word vomit......Billy and I may not have it all together most of the time, but I would not trade this time in our life for all the monies in the world. He is the ultimate acknowledgement to this goal.
Losing weight. This has been on on-going goal for as long as I can remember and if it weren't for my husband and a dear friend I would probably be the unhealthiest person ever....it hasn't been easy and it has come with many challenges but I've tried to work through them. The one thing that was hard for me was that I wanted instant results. All I can think is that stupid Jillian Michaels dvd and she constantly says to the beat of the music, "we want results overnight but they don't, come, for free." With my efforts I have become healthier and live a healthier life. I'm not so scared of getting cancer, or diabetes or any disease for that matter. I couldn't have dreamed to run a 5k without stopping or plan to go ziplining in Costa Rica in December because my weight would have hindered all of that. What I do with my life now is limitless. I'm free. This goal has been acknowledged with sore aching muscles, smelly asparagus pee, and being 40 lbs lighter.
Having a solid foundation. I don't want this goal to ever seem like it's been mediocre. It's a major one in my life that I'm probably most proud of. This goal has helped me through some hard times in my life, and has also caused plenty grief. But what I find is that it's always there to bring me back to where I need to be in that moment. There are things that I don't understand and I might never understand but what I do understand is that I have the love of a Father that is never ending and never failing. My faith and understanding has grown so much in the 2 years that I've been here in Bloomington and I can tell that it's only just the beginning. I acknowledged this goal in February when I got baptized. Such a great acknowledgement to a fulfilling goal.
Maybe the moral of this story is that I need to set smaller attainable goals so then I feel more accomplished in my life....or maybe I just need to stop feeling like my goals that have become accomplishments weren't that great, because at the time, they were the best thing and now I've kinda gotten over some of them....maybe I should take it one step at a time?
I'm not a goal oriented person whatsoever; maybe it's due to my
Getting married. I wanted to get married ever since I could remember. I can remember talking with girls on summer staff at camp that I had the wedding planned out, all I needed to do was insert boy. I dreamed a long time for that to happen and honestly I thought it never would. I have only dated 2 guys in my life, one in highschool and my husband. The guy I dated in high-school, if I can be honest, was my first love. I thought the world of him. I learned a lot from him about a lot of things and always enjoyed being in his company. We broke up before he went off to college and I'll admit, I thought that was the best I could get and tried to make it happen over and over again. And if I can be honest yet again, and I'm really sorry if this offends anyone but when I found out he was gay, I was so hurt and and confused; my life was turned upside down and thought so much less of myself and told myself,"you can't love anyone because you'll turn them gay." I never in a million years thought that the man of my dreams would be a black man and the saying is so true that once you go black, you never go back.....I'm sorry, that violated so many unspoken laws.....and so many people are reading this......shut up Anndee....word vomit......Billy and I may not have it all together most of the time, but I would not trade this time in our life for all the monies in the world. He is the ultimate acknowledgement to this goal.
Losing weight. This has been on on-going goal for as long as I can remember and if it weren't for my husband and a dear friend I would probably be the unhealthiest person ever....it hasn't been easy and it has come with many challenges but I've tried to work through them. The one thing that was hard for me was that I wanted instant results. All I can think is that stupid Jillian Michaels dvd and she constantly says to the beat of the music, "we want results overnight but they don't, come, for free." With my efforts I have become healthier and live a healthier life. I'm not so scared of getting cancer, or diabetes or any disease for that matter. I couldn't have dreamed to run a 5k without stopping or plan to go ziplining in Costa Rica in December because my weight would have hindered all of that. What I do with my life now is limitless. I'm free. This goal has been acknowledged with sore aching muscles, smelly asparagus pee, and being 40 lbs lighter.
Having a solid foundation. I don't want this goal to ever seem like it's been mediocre. It's a major one in my life that I'm probably most proud of. This goal has helped me through some hard times in my life, and has also caused plenty grief. But what I find is that it's always there to bring me back to where I need to be in that moment. There are things that I don't understand and I might never understand but what I do understand is that I have the love of a Father that is never ending and never failing. My faith and understanding has grown so much in the 2 years that I've been here in Bloomington and I can tell that it's only just the beginning. I acknowledged this goal in February when I got baptized. Such a great acknowledgement to a fulfilling goal.
Maybe the moral of this story is that I need to set smaller attainable goals so then I feel more accomplished in my life....or maybe I just need to stop feeling like my goals that have become accomplishments weren't that great, because at the time, they were the best thing and now I've kinda gotten over some of them....maybe I should take it one step at a time?
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Change
Whenever I sit down to write a post the one thing that is constantly on my mind is change. Change is everywhere, and for some reason I'll never be able to get away from the awfulness that it is. I've come to learn that through big alteration, that anyone goes through in life, of course change is going to come with it and in a variety of different ways. I used to not big on changes or change in general. I never liked to be uncomfortable and I certainly didn't like being stretched to my limit because then I would feel scared, worried and start to doubt the dreaded unknown. Sounding familiar? I come from a small farming community that steers clear of change. Thinking about where I am now, and looking back to where I came from, I think that there have been so many people that have come into my hometown and tried to make it better, but have been shooed away because the thought of something unfamiliar changing the way things have always been, is not comfortable. If we don't allow change to happen, how are we to grow? to learn? to teach? to trust? Why?
So much of my life has changed since yesterday, last week, month and year. I'm not one of those people that are like, "exactly 1 year ago this happened,"...cuz lets be honest, I can hardly remember what happened an hour ago let alone a year.....I can tell you that I have learned and grown. I have made mistakes and I have made great choices, and I can tell you that through this growing and learning, I have learned to become more accepting of change. I had an interview with State Farm roughly a year ago for the job that I currently had. In my interview I remember stating that I don't handle change very well. The interviewee looked at me baffled and said, "you left your home and everything you knew, moved here with a crappy daycare job and learned to live a life with your husband. If that's not handling change very well...I dunno what is." I told them, "I had someone to hold my hand and to learn things with me." See that was when I was not confident in myself. I used to cower in the corner and walk on egg shells and hoped other people would do things for me; kind of like a wallflower if you will....and I will. I understand life happens, things happen. There are things that we cannot change whether we want it to or not or whether we like it or not. This is what I don't understand....Why would it help to complain about it when I know I have 2 choices...A. do something about it or B. there isn't anything that I can do about it and I have to learn to deal with it and make due with what I have? Honestly I don't know how many times in the past week I have heard the phrase, "but that's how it's always been done." Seriously this phrase drives me nuts. Whenever I hear it nails on a chalkboard is all I hear instead of the person saying that phrase, literally. Maybe I should make a tally for every time I hear someone say that phrase. Anyways, when we use that phrase we are limiting ourselves from gaining new experiences and opportunities. We just know that it works this one way so why change it, but maybe that change could be better in the long run and we can't see it at that moment. We want to be in control and not learn to trust that its going to be alright in the long run.
When I started to lose weight I noticed I was becoming more confident in myself. I think it was because I was doing something for me, I was meeting goals and altering my life. It taught me to be more assertive and take action for things that I have done. I started to do things that I had never done before and that excited me. It opened my world anew. While I was killing it with my self esteem, I was lacking with the other half. This is where my laziness kicks me in the butt because I'm willing to do all this stuff to make me happy and while I want to make my husband happy, I do the things to him that I would like. For example, I know he would like for me to pick up after myself, yes this is still an issue that I'm REALLY trying to work work on, instead I'll cook him his favorite dinner, or buy him this or make him cupcakes or something like that rather than doing the things he really wants. UGH. I was doing really well with my cleaning schedule and then other things started coming up and interfering with my schedule to where I just stopped altogether. UGH. Now laundry is backed up more than ever, the dishes are piling and honestly I don't remember the last time I vacuumed and I THINK the bathroom was cleaned 2 weeks ago....horrific. Lets not even mention my side of the bedroom because it's the worst that it's ever been and I'm even embarrassed to sleep. But, there has to be something to get this change going. If I can do it so easily with losing weight, surely I can be eager to do it with this. I just have to get in the right mindset. It's something that isn't fun for me but I've learned to enjoy running over time....maybe cleaning will become the next thing? HA. As for other areas in my life, my goal is to be more honest and confrontational. I'm not a confrontational person at all! I've learned at my time with State Farm, it's kind of a dog-eat-dog world and you have to stick up for yourself and the others around you; say things that are on your mind and don't be afraid to speak up when it's needed the most. This is hard for me because I've always been one to keep what I feel in and let it stew inside....this isn't good in helping anyone or anything. We'll see where this takes me...
In my last post I mentioned that instead of my goals being going to the gym and losing weight, I was going to concentrate more on my organizing life. I can tell you this....I sucked at both. Since my last post my weight basically stayed the same. I was 204 end of June until about 2 weeks ago where I was briefly 199 and then shot back up to 208. I haven't been working as hard as I would have liked. However, I have been running more and I ran my first 5k without stopping this past weekend! SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! I like this running thing and I think I'm gonna keep it and I'm excited to see where my legs take me next!
In other news, Billy and I have landed full time jobs! None of this temping business anymore! I finally got hired on at State Farm Bank and will be starting on August 19 as an official State Farm employee...great things come with this like access to State Farm Park! EEEEEKKKKK...so excited!
Billy landed a job as a special ed assistant at Kingsley Jr. High. He's really excited to be in the school again and will be starting August 19 as well. While Billy and I will be embracing all of these changes, stay tuned in to find out what happens between now and the next blog post!
So much of my life has changed since yesterday, last week, month and year. I'm not one of those people that are like, "exactly 1 year ago this happened,"...cuz lets be honest, I can hardly remember what happened an hour ago let alone a year.....I can tell you that I have learned and grown. I have made mistakes and I have made great choices, and I can tell you that through this growing and learning, I have learned to become more accepting of change. I had an interview with State Farm roughly a year ago for the job that I currently had. In my interview I remember stating that I don't handle change very well. The interviewee looked at me baffled and said, "you left your home and everything you knew, moved here with a crappy daycare job and learned to live a life with your husband. If that's not handling change very well...I dunno what is." I told them, "I had someone to hold my hand and to learn things with me." See that was when I was not confident in myself. I used to cower in the corner and walk on egg shells and hoped other people would do things for me; kind of like a wallflower if you will....and I will. I understand life happens, things happen. There are things that we cannot change whether we want it to or not or whether we like it or not. This is what I don't understand....Why would it help to complain about it when I know I have 2 choices...A. do something about it or B. there isn't anything that I can do about it and I have to learn to deal with it and make due with what I have? Honestly I don't know how many times in the past week I have heard the phrase, "but that's how it's always been done." Seriously this phrase drives me nuts. Whenever I hear it nails on a chalkboard is all I hear instead of the person saying that phrase, literally. Maybe I should make a tally for every time I hear someone say that phrase. Anyways, when we use that phrase we are limiting ourselves from gaining new experiences and opportunities. We just know that it works this one way so why change it, but maybe that change could be better in the long run and we can't see it at that moment. We want to be in control and not learn to trust that its going to be alright in the long run.
When I started to lose weight I noticed I was becoming more confident in myself. I think it was because I was doing something for me, I was meeting goals and altering my life. It taught me to be more assertive and take action for things that I have done. I started to do things that I had never done before and that excited me. It opened my world anew. While I was killing it with my self esteem, I was lacking with the other half. This is where my laziness kicks me in the butt because I'm willing to do all this stuff to make me happy and while I want to make my husband happy, I do the things to him that I would like. For example, I know he would like for me to pick up after myself, yes this is still an issue that I'm REALLY trying to work work on, instead I'll cook him his favorite dinner, or buy him this or make him cupcakes or something like that rather than doing the things he really wants. UGH. I was doing really well with my cleaning schedule and then other things started coming up and interfering with my schedule to where I just stopped altogether. UGH. Now laundry is backed up more than ever, the dishes are piling and honestly I don't remember the last time I vacuumed and I THINK the bathroom was cleaned 2 weeks ago....horrific. Lets not even mention my side of the bedroom because it's the worst that it's ever been and I'm even embarrassed to sleep. But, there has to be something to get this change going. If I can do it so easily with losing weight, surely I can be eager to do it with this. I just have to get in the right mindset. It's something that isn't fun for me but I've learned to enjoy running over time....maybe cleaning will become the next thing? HA. As for other areas in my life, my goal is to be more honest and confrontational. I'm not a confrontational person at all! I've learned at my time with State Farm, it's kind of a dog-eat-dog world and you have to stick up for yourself and the others around you; say things that are on your mind and don't be afraid to speak up when it's needed the most. This is hard for me because I've always been one to keep what I feel in and let it stew inside....this isn't good in helping anyone or anything. We'll see where this takes me...
In my last post I mentioned that instead of my goals being going to the gym and losing weight, I was going to concentrate more on my organizing life. I can tell you this....I sucked at both. Since my last post my weight basically stayed the same. I was 204 end of June until about 2 weeks ago where I was briefly 199 and then shot back up to 208. I haven't been working as hard as I would have liked. However, I have been running more and I ran my first 5k without stopping this past weekend! SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! I like this running thing and I think I'm gonna keep it and I'm excited to see where my legs take me next!
In other news, Billy and I have landed full time jobs! None of this temping business anymore! I finally got hired on at State Farm Bank and will be starting on August 19 as an official State Farm employee...great things come with this like access to State Farm Park! EEEEEKKKKK...so excited!
Billy landed a job as a special ed assistant at Kingsley Jr. High. He's really excited to be in the school again and will be starting August 19 as well. While Billy and I will be embracing all of these changes, stay tuned in to find out what happens between now and the next blog post!
Monday, June 17, 2013
Commitment
Oh my goodness I had no idea how long it's been since I've written something! Ya'll need to keep better tabs on me that's for sure. I have WONDERFUL things to report. I am now 30 pounds lighter....and sort of stuck at 206. I have been 206 for 2 weeks now and I'm so eager to get below 200. I can't wait! My running groups are going very well! I am starting to really enjoy running, only in winter/fall/spring months....none of this 90 degree with no wind or shade runs....aweful!
In my last post I had written about how my next goal is to get more organized in my life since I was able to go to the gym and everything like that. For some reason, organizing my life is a little harder than losing the weight. But I've noticed something. When I was really dedicated at going to the gym and giving it my all, I was more organized and disciplined in my life. When I stopped going to the gym and started running more, I started going back to my old habits. This thought of course, made me stroke my "beard" and go, "hmmmmmmmmmm."
After talking with some friends and going to running group the word commitment has been on the back of my mind for awhile now. Commitment is such a strong word. If I really think about all the things that I am committed to in my life...like really committed and not half assed or selfless? I can only think of one and that is being married to my husband, however, we are polar opposites in almost every aspect of life. Everyone says that opposites attract and while that may be the case, I am still learning how to be more committed to our marriage, and to really love him. Seems easy and filled with rainbows and lollipops right? Not so much....I understand these will be a forever task, but if I can get some of the basics down like picking up after myself and keeping the apartment tidy, and telling him EXACTLY what is on my mind, then that's half of the battle. I feel if I was more concentrated on the actual commitment to him, I would acknowledge his needs more than mine...if I can be really honest for a second; I feel (and have been told) that I am more committed to my friends, than my husband. I don't know if others feel the same way but let me explain. I would do anything for my friends. They say, "jump," and I say, "how high." If my husband asks me to do something, I'll do it, but I'll do it on my own terms, and depending on what the task is, may complain about it. I know none of you other wives would do such a thing.....:) See, I would like to think of it as, "Hey, at least I'm being honest and telling you what I really think." But honestly, that's not fair to him that I seem to not give him my all, when in all reality, he deserves it more than my friends. NO OFFENSE TO ANY OF MY FRIENDS. Does anyone else feel that way? Maybe it's just me being selfish and not understanding marriage....
I am committed to losing weight and running, however, if I were honestly, truly, committed I would have lost almost all of what I wanted to lose by June 18, which was the date my husband, and I, decided in the beginning of this whole thing! If I was back to my disciplined way, like in the beginning, I would be working out between my running days.....if only! Changing lifestyles is hard. SO hard and takes so much out you!
I feel as though this has to be easier. Like if I wanted it so badly I would do anything to keep it, or to maintain it, or to stick with it. The thing that I forget is that it takes WORK. AHHH, this goes back to my lazy habits post. I'm a procrastinating, lazy lump. You maybe thinking,"Anndee, look how far you've come!" or "You'll get there, patience." I understand both of those things, and I'm not even upset with how far I've come, I just wish that I wasn't so....lazy. Honestly, when I'm at work, I can think of a whole list of things I want to accomplish when I get home or think that if I weren't I at work I could get this list done...but then I come home, even if I didn't really do anything that day, I'm zonked and tell myself that I would rather watch hulu, or go do something else other than clean my house. I'm not saying it's bad to want to come home and unwind, but when you do that all the time and others, or other things in your house get neglected because you would rather do something else, that's selfish laziness to me. And I believe that's where I have been and hopefully will not be for too long! It's funny to think about this now, but in college I was HORRIBLE at picking up my room....right girls? I remember when I lived at Freddy Court with Casey, Kelsey, Jamie and Brittany. Casey was, and still is, a neat freak. When Casey was cleaning, you better have all of your stuff picked up too so she could vacuum everything. Well, whenever she came to my room she knew it would always be a sty. I remember her coming to me one day and said, "Anndee, we are going to break you from this habit. I've been told that you can break any habit after a month of not doing it. SO for 30 days you are going to make your bed and tidy up your room.".......obviously it didn't stick that well, because I never make my bed, and my room is still never clean, but I'm really glad that she tried!
To help me keep my messiness under control (for a little while, until I get lazy again) I have created a daily schedule,with the help of miss Cali Pfister, to help me better clean my apartment so it's not so overwhelming to me (not that cleaning a one bedroom apt is overwhelming by any means, but it is when you have life long senioritis). I have given each day a room, and decided to fully clean that room on it's particular day. Things that get done every day are simple things like dishes, tidy up, make bed, etc. I've also added monthly things like cleaning out closets, tubs, and plastic bags filled with crap underneath my bed. My goal in all this is to hopefully get organized and downsize significantly that when it's time for us to get the hell out of this small cramped space, it'll be a lot easier! and hopefully break this dreadfulhabit curse!
Will this help Anndee with her commitment issues? What will Billy say when Anndee loses another 10 pounds? When will Anndee and Billy get ice cream next? How much sweat will Anndee lose with no air on in their 2nd story Apt to try and cut costs of electric bill? These questions and more when we return to mybigfatillinoislife.
In my last post I had written about how my next goal is to get more organized in my life since I was able to go to the gym and everything like that. For some reason, organizing my life is a little harder than losing the weight. But I've noticed something. When I was really dedicated at going to the gym and giving it my all, I was more organized and disciplined in my life. When I stopped going to the gym and started running more, I started going back to my old habits. This thought of course, made me stroke my "beard" and go, "hmmmmmmmmmm."
After talking with some friends and going to running group the word commitment has been on the back of my mind for awhile now. Commitment is such a strong word. If I really think about all the things that I am committed to in my life...like really committed and not half assed or selfless? I can only think of one and that is being married to my husband, however, we are polar opposites in almost every aspect of life. Everyone says that opposites attract and while that may be the case, I am still learning how to be more committed to our marriage, and to really love him. Seems easy and filled with rainbows and lollipops right? Not so much....I understand these will be a forever task, but if I can get some of the basics down like picking up after myself and keeping the apartment tidy, and telling him EXACTLY what is on my mind, then that's half of the battle. I feel if I was more concentrated on the actual commitment to him, I would acknowledge his needs more than mine...if I can be really honest for a second; I feel (and have been told) that I am more committed to my friends, than my husband. I don't know if others feel the same way but let me explain. I would do anything for my friends. They say, "jump," and I say, "how high." If my husband asks me to do something, I'll do it, but I'll do it on my own terms, and depending on what the task is, may complain about it. I know none of you other wives would do such a thing.....:) See, I would like to think of it as, "Hey, at least I'm being honest and telling you what I really think." But honestly, that's not fair to him that I seem to not give him my all, when in all reality, he deserves it more than my friends. NO OFFENSE TO ANY OF MY FRIENDS. Does anyone else feel that way? Maybe it's just me being selfish and not understanding marriage....
I am committed to losing weight and running, however, if I were honestly, truly, committed I would have lost almost all of what I wanted to lose by June 18, which was the date my husband, and I, decided in the beginning of this whole thing! If I was back to my disciplined way, like in the beginning, I would be working out between my running days.....if only! Changing lifestyles is hard. SO hard and takes so much out you!
I feel as though this has to be easier. Like if I wanted it so badly I would do anything to keep it, or to maintain it, or to stick with it. The thing that I forget is that it takes WORK. AHHH, this goes back to my lazy habits post. I'm a procrastinating, lazy lump. You maybe thinking,"Anndee, look how far you've come!" or "You'll get there, patience." I understand both of those things, and I'm not even upset with how far I've come, I just wish that I wasn't so....lazy. Honestly, when I'm at work, I can think of a whole list of things I want to accomplish when I get home or think that if I weren't I at work I could get this list done...but then I come home, even if I didn't really do anything that day, I'm zonked and tell myself that I would rather watch hulu, or go do something else other than clean my house. I'm not saying it's bad to want to come home and unwind, but when you do that all the time and others, or other things in your house get neglected because you would rather do something else, that's selfish laziness to me. And I believe that's where I have been and hopefully will not be for too long! It's funny to think about this now, but in college I was HORRIBLE at picking up my room....right girls? I remember when I lived at Freddy Court with Casey, Kelsey, Jamie and Brittany. Casey was, and still is, a neat freak. When Casey was cleaning, you better have all of your stuff picked up too so she could vacuum everything. Well, whenever she came to my room she knew it would always be a sty. I remember her coming to me one day and said, "Anndee, we are going to break you from this habit. I've been told that you can break any habit after a month of not doing it. SO for 30 days you are going to make your bed and tidy up your room.".......obviously it didn't stick that well, because I never make my bed, and my room is still never clean, but I'm really glad that she tried!
To help me keep my messiness under control (for a little while, until I get lazy again) I have created a daily schedule,with the help of miss Cali Pfister, to help me better clean my apartment so it's not so overwhelming to me (not that cleaning a one bedroom apt is overwhelming by any means, but it is when you have life long senioritis). I have given each day a room, and decided to fully clean that room on it's particular day. Things that get done every day are simple things like dishes, tidy up, make bed, etc. I've also added monthly things like cleaning out closets, tubs, and plastic bags filled with crap underneath my bed. My goal in all this is to hopefully get organized and downsize significantly that when it's time for us to get the hell out of this small cramped space, it'll be a lot easier! and hopefully break this dreadful
Will this help Anndee with her commitment issues? What will Billy say when Anndee loses another 10 pounds? When will Anndee and Billy get ice cream next? How much sweat will Anndee lose with no air on in their 2nd story Apt to try and cut costs of electric bill? These questions and more when we return to mybigfatillinoislife.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
lacking motivational lazy habits
I was walking in to work today and I was standing behind a lady who was walking up the escalator very, very slowly. Now my thought is if you want to go that slow, you might as well just take the elevator because the elevator actually beat me up to the 4th floor today! It usually takes about an hour to wait for it and then of course it has to stop on every floor because people think it's easier to wait for the elevator to take them up 1 floor, instead of taking the stairs. UGH biggest pet peeve! When I see moving stairs, that makes me think you'll move faster....obviously not in this ladies case........That story had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with what I wanted to write about but thought I would share because it literally drove me nuts all day. Ugh, one day I'll write a book on proper elevator/escalator etiquette so then all the world will know my frustrations.
I've been thinking ever since I posted my last blog about my weight history, I never really talked about my habits and my lifestyles. Granted I'm sure most of you know how I am if you lived with me, are gresat friends etc. But I think that this plays an important role in my weight gain and my whole story, whether I want to believe it, or not!
For the most part I have come to believe that I was a lazy child, but at the time, if you called me lazy I would argue with you until I was blue in face. See now that I write lazy I don't know if I would call it that, or really lacked motivation. I was active when I wanted to be, but when it was for something, "productive" like housework/chores or school work, Iwas lazy lacked motivation. When it was time for me to clean my room, I would try and think of ways for my brother and sister to do it, but since I was the youngest I ALWAYS failed. I loved the times when mom would come up and would "help" me clean, but that also meant that I got to re-arrange my room. However, the cleaning would take up most of the day and it never would really get finished, because lets be honest, I lacked motivation was lazy! But honestly I don't remember really ever, fully cleaning my own room and of course I never just did it on my own. I wanted to do other things, like watch t.v., go outside, or play. I got spanked a couple of times because it was messy, but it just stopped after awhile...probably because it was still a mess and they realized grounding/spanking me wasn't doing anything. I was the kid that hated snow days, summer vacation, weekends, or any long period away from school because this meant 1 of 3 things. 1. helping dad outside with pig chores i.e scooping poop, snow, giving vaccines, clipping tails all that nastiness. 2. doing house work that mom put off until a "rainyday" and 3. cleaning everything/my room. When we got done doing said 1 of 3 things, I would sit down and watch T.V. until dad came in from the outside. Now when you heard that door slam you knew you had exactly 10 minutes to turn the T.V. off and make a mad dash off the couch either upstairs, or find something to make it look like you are doing something. Nothing bothered dad more than me sitting on my butt watching T.V. Probably because to him I looked like I was being lazy.
In school I was that kid that was the over-achiever. I would try and go above and beyond all homework assignments, projects you name it, but once it got too difficult, that's where my mother stepped in. See my brother and my sister claimed that mom did everything for me. While I agree to some extent, I still argue that I did make that gingerbread house my 3rd grade year. I loved school, hated math (still do) and thought that I didn't do too bad. I remember when I told my parents that I wanted to be in 4-H. Every year there was the dreaded record book. HATED MORE THAN EVER! I don't think I ever answered them myself. I asked my mom each question and she told me what to write. It was the same thing with sermon notes for confirmation...like heck I was actually going to pay attention to some boring sermons...I wanted to doodle. So I would ask my mom the questions and she would tell me what to say. Man I remember my mother still washed my hair when I was in 4th grade! I was never taught how until I went away to camp for a week in the summer when I was in 5th grade. (All the years before, I didn't wash my hair.....) sometimes I feel like there were lots of things that I see kids do now, or even saw my friends do, that I was never taught, and maybe I was but I don't remember.
When I went off to college is when I really learned how to be on my own. Even then I still leaned on others to do things for me. I was a follower and still am to some extent. I was still a mess and never really cleaned up after myself. When I lived in an apt with Casey and Kelsey, Casey was like the mom I never had. No joke, she made me clean up my room all the time, make my bed and do dishes. And then I transferred to a different college and I was still a mess. I didn't make a lot of mess in public areas like the living room or kitchen, but my room was always a mess. I remember when Morgan lived with me, she would even help me clean every once in awhile. Some of you may be wondering about my laundry, yeah I can go like a month or 2 with washing clothes. (still can.) When it came to homework and projects I would do just fine, but when something came up that was harder, I would procrastinate to the deepest depths of procrastination, and then I would hand in the assignment or project and totally hate what I did because Ididn't have my mother there to do it ran out of time. Most of my art projects in college are sub par because I waited until the last second to do them and I couldn't do it on my own.
When Billy and I first started talking about getting married, I thought that once I got married I would start to be more clean and start getting more motivated to do things other than sit on my butt. However, I learned that was not the case. While I have gotten a little better at cleaning up, it still isn't where my OCD husband would like it to be. That's why I married him right? opposites always attract.....My husband is very gracious about me not picking up after myself, but I know it would show him I loved him more if I did pick up all the time and not have him trip over my shoes when he walks in the door. (even though his shoes are there too...I just have more...) Also, I have always been a person to start something and never finish. Coloring was horrible for me. I would love to start, but then I would get bored and never finish. I have a whole bunch of started projects and paintings and this and that but never follow through and finish them. side note. I'm sitting on our couch typing and my husband leans over and says "you're even keeping up with your blog! The old Anndee would have done 2 posts and never look back." I can always find other things that I would rather be doing, mainly watching hulu, or cooking/baking. I think about cleaning all the time but always get tied up doing something on the computer or going somewhere. When I first started exercising I would have to choose between exercising and cleaning when I got home from work because I didnt' know how to manage my time better when I got home to do all those things. I'm not really a multitasker.....if I'm watching T.V please don't tell me something important because I'm probably not going to remember what you are saying.
Not only am I sticking with the exercise and losing weight, I think I need to shift my goals a little bit. I'm going to concentrate more on managing my time, picking up after myself and starting to become an adult, I guess you could say. I have told my co-workers that if I had a kid right now I don't know what I would do! I get up half hour before I need/leave for work, I don't really cook supper when I get home, and I'm not that good at keeping the house clean. Sticking with the weight loss has taught me that I can stick with something and hopefully finish. I have have fluctuated a lot, but I'm still working on meeting that goal of being 165, and then once I hit that, maybe going smaller or even trying to maintain that. I'll of course keep you posted on how my new goals turn out!
I've been thinking ever since I posted my last blog about my weight history, I never really talked about my habits and my lifestyles. Granted I'm sure most of you know how I am if you lived with me, are gresat friends etc. But I think that this plays an important role in my weight gain and my whole story, whether I want to believe it, or not!
For the most part I have come to believe that I was a lazy child, but at the time, if you called me lazy I would argue with you until I was blue in face. See now that I write lazy I don't know if I would call it that, or really lacked motivation. I was active when I wanted to be, but when it was for something, "productive" like housework/chores or school work, I
In school I was that kid that was the over-achiever. I would try and go above and beyond all homework assignments, projects you name it, but once it got too difficult, that's where my mother stepped in. See my brother and my sister claimed that mom did everything for me. While I agree to some extent, I still argue that I did make that gingerbread house my 3rd grade year. I loved school, hated math (still do) and thought that I didn't do too bad. I remember when I told my parents that I wanted to be in 4-H. Every year there was the dreaded record book. HATED MORE THAN EVER! I don't think I ever answered them myself. I asked my mom each question and she told me what to write. It was the same thing with sermon notes for confirmation...like heck I was actually going to pay attention to some boring sermons...I wanted to doodle. So I would ask my mom the questions and she would tell me what to say. Man I remember my mother still washed my hair when I was in 4th grade! I was never taught how until I went away to camp for a week in the summer when I was in 5th grade. (All the years before, I didn't wash my hair.....) sometimes I feel like there were lots of things that I see kids do now, or even saw my friends do, that I was never taught, and maybe I was but I don't remember.
When I went off to college is when I really learned how to be on my own. Even then I still leaned on others to do things for me. I was a follower and still am to some extent. I was still a mess and never really cleaned up after myself. When I lived in an apt with Casey and Kelsey, Casey was like the mom I never had. No joke, she made me clean up my room all the time, make my bed and do dishes. And then I transferred to a different college and I was still a mess. I didn't make a lot of mess in public areas like the living room or kitchen, but my room was always a mess. I remember when Morgan lived with me, she would even help me clean every once in awhile. Some of you may be wondering about my laundry, yeah I can go like a month or 2 with washing clothes. (still can.) When it came to homework and projects I would do just fine, but when something came up that was harder, I would procrastinate to the deepest depths of procrastination, and then I would hand in the assignment or project and totally hate what I did because I
When Billy and I first started talking about getting married, I thought that once I got married I would start to be more clean and start getting more motivated to do things other than sit on my butt. However, I learned that was not the case. While I have gotten a little better at cleaning up, it still isn't where my OCD husband would like it to be. That's why I married him right? opposites always attract.....My husband is very gracious about me not picking up after myself, but I know it would show him I loved him more if I did pick up all the time and not have him trip over my shoes when he walks in the door. (even though his shoes are there too...I just have more...) Also, I have always been a person to start something and never finish. Coloring was horrible for me. I would love to start, but then I would get bored and never finish. I have a whole bunch of started projects and paintings and this and that but never follow through and finish them. side note. I'm sitting on our couch typing and my husband leans over and says "you're even keeping up with your blog! The old Anndee would have done 2 posts and never look back." I can always find other things that I would rather be doing, mainly watching hulu, or cooking/baking. I think about cleaning all the time but always get tied up doing something on the computer or going somewhere. When I first started exercising I would have to choose between exercising and cleaning when I got home from work because I didnt' know how to manage my time better when I got home to do all those things. I'm not really a multitasker.....if I'm watching T.V please don't tell me something important because I'm probably not going to remember what you are saying.
Not only am I sticking with the exercise and losing weight, I think I need to shift my goals a little bit. I'm going to concentrate more on managing my time, picking up after myself and starting to become an adult, I guess you could say. I have told my co-workers that if I had a kid right now I don't know what I would do! I get up half hour before I need/leave for work, I don't really cook supper when I get home, and I'm not that good at keeping the house clean. Sticking with the weight loss has taught me that I can stick with something and hopefully finish. I have have fluctuated a lot, but I'm still working on meeting that goal of being 165, and then once I hit that, maybe going smaller or even trying to maintain that. I'll of course keep you posted on how my new goals turn out!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
"When will my reflection show, who I am, inside."
It has taken me over a week to write this post. Not because I didn't have the time to write it, but because I really wanted to think through my words and really reflect on my past experiences. I wanted to take some time to write about my my life before I started the fight of unzipping this fat suit. I'm one of those people who wish my life was like a Disney movie or Full House where I always wanted those moments were you sit on your bed after you had done something wrong and the horrible music plays and Danny Tanner comes in and gives me a heart to heart, but for some reason I remember on The Biggest Loser, they talk about their life before they came on the biggest loser. So I feel like it's that time that I need to do some reflection, if you will. (and this is where Janelle Collins goes, "and I will!")
I haven't always been in the "fat life." In fact up until 3rd grade I was super skinny and loved to run and play sports. For some reason, and I used to say because I fell in love with ice cream, in 3rd grade I became large for my grade. I was very awkward...I mean everyone has their awkward year or their years....not me. I had awkward 3rd-10th grade life! My mother always told me that I needed to wear big clothes to cover my belly and my legs, and looking back in pictures I think that by abiding by those "rules" made me look even larger! I remember in particular this one picture of a trip to South Dakota. We are at a go-cart track and Morgan and I are standing with our arms around each other. I'm wearing a winnie the pooh hat, an XXL Ernie with his rubber duckie shirt, shorts that hit mid thigh, white tube socks and nike sandals....yup.....awkward. But then you take a look a Morgan and she's wearing a cute fitted shirt with short shorts and sandals....yup. Embarrassing on my end!
Every year, my wardrobe got worse and worse, but that was due to the fact that I was getting bigger and bigger. And every summer was the same thing, this is the year that I'm going to lose weight so I can wear what other girls in my class are wearing. It wasn't like I was sitting on my butt all summer long, I loved softball more than anything, I rode my bike up and down our road, and I took plenty of walks and even played outside, I have my mothers athletic gene, but I just stayed the same size for the most part. I don't remember ever getting made fun of at school for my weight, which if anyone did they must have done a good job of keeping it within their clique, and as far as my circle of friends no one told me that I needed to loose weight, or everyone told me that "God loves you no matter what." My best friend in high school and I were the same size and so we would share clothes and shoes all the time, for at least 3 years and in college, so to me the thought of losing weight was on the back burner because I love wearing Erin's clothes so why should I change? (Sorry Erin :) I know how much she hated when I stretched out her shoes! haha) I do remember more-so my parents telling me that I was overweight and that I needed to take control of it. I remember my senior year I quit volleyball and my dad told me that I needed to do something to keep me active during the fall months so I wasn't sitting at home...so my only option was cheerleading...you from bigger schools are probably wondering why cheerleading was my only option? Well we didn't have any other sport during that time that I could have even considered! Yay for small schools and small cheerleading skirts! I was so self conscience about how I looked, that I made my mother make my skirt longer so that it wasn't so short.
My senior year was also the year that my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I spent the majority of second semester living by myself, going to different friends houses for supper or people bringing over food. It was a great to be in a loving community where everyone took me in and it was also my busy semester since I was a band nerd, vocal nerd and speech geek that I was constantly busy. All through highschool, I maintained a size 16 pant/dress. When I went off to college I gained a little weight, but did a good job of keeping active during the summer working at TLCC. Over the course of my college time before my other died, I became depressed and lost control of myself. I was constantly stressed worrying about school and mom. At my mother's funeral was the smallest I remember being and that was a size 12 pant and my roommates size medium shirt and then it all went downhill from there. I'm pretty sure losing all that weight was the cause of me being stressed, and worrying constantly. I ate all the time but then again I would eat and work at weird hours and sometimes spent nights in the art building just to get stuff done/get away from people. I didn't know how to cope and didn't feel like anyone wanted to talk about it or know how to even relate to what I was going through.
Once I started hanging out with Billy and we started dating was when I started slowly gaining the weight back until 2-3 years later when we got married and started life here in Illinois. I've always had visions of what life was going to be like when I was a wife. I would be that perfect 1950's wife. I would make EVERYTHING and keep up a perfect apartment/house. HA! I thought that when I got married that my previous lifestyles would go away. i.e. I wouldn't be disorganized and lazy. I did achieve my dreams for the first couple weeks, maybe a month and then we ended up going out to eat every meal and we both became very overweight. My husband was so discouraged every time he looked at our wedding photos that he decided he was going to lose weight. He offered to have me join him but I didn't want to put the work in. Like I said before, I'm not one to really follow through with things. I'll do it strong for a week or 2 and then stop, or I'll forget something and then it's history. Billy lost a significant amount of weight, almost half of his regular self. I was so proud, but hated the fact that I was now fatter than my husband. In high school I had a boyfriend who was skinnier than me and I hated it. I always felt that a man should be bigger than his wife/significant other. I"m not saying that they have to be fat but maybe muscular and the woman should be leaner...I've dug myself in a hole I feel with that comment.....and maybe there was always a bit of comparison to other people I surrounded myself with. "Oh this person is about the same size I am so I'm okay. I don't need to do that."
We got together with some good friends of ours over christmas in Chicago. It was their first time in Chicago and we loved showing them downtown and all the fun things to do! We took a lot of pictures with them and looking on FaceBook at them I was just disgusted with how I looked. I remember trying to pack for that trip and only have 1 pair of jeans that really fit and they were a size 20 and getting too small. being a little ADD here, I've also had a fear in my mind about getting all sorts of cancers and other health complications because I am overweight and my mother got cancer (and the one that ate the most healthy out of our family) Every time I have a pain in my stomach or side I automatically think it's cancer or I'm getting mom's allergies. Getting back on track, Around that time and maybe a little after I decided that I was going to get baptized. I figured I put it off for far too long (I figured that since I was baptized as an infant, I was already baptized and didn't need to be) and decided I'm going to take that next step and see where/how God will use me. That's when my husband and I decided that this will be our year; a time filled with life changing events and habits. When I first started I wanted to see results right away. If I didn't lose a pound or two I would be so pissed, but now I'm glad that I'm going slow and taking my time, I don't want to rush things and it's giving me time to find other ways to lose the weight than just doing the elliptical, or lifting weights.
I feel like I've taken this weight loss to another level. When I started I was just counting calories and eating whatever I wanted. Now it's all about what kinds of foods and learning what foods give you more energy and eating more organic and less processed and really starting to change the lifestyle, example, I started using ground turkey awhile ago but still used ground beef to some extent. I completely cut off ground beef in our house when we started in January. I ate a patty melt yesterday for lunch (don't ask my why it just sounded really, really good.) Now if I were making this sandwich at home I would have used ground turkey, weight watchers cheese, whole wheat bread and onion. However, since I was at work I completely forgot and I had ground beef. It tasted so different to me, (don't get me wrong it was still an outstanding burger) but I'm just so used to ground turkey. Anyways, I'm really proud of my progress and to be honest I don't think I could have gotten this far without the support of my husband, first and foremost, and the awesome support and prayers from all of you wherever you are! I greatly appreciate all the notes and wonderful comments you leave, please keep it up and I encourage you to get out there and make this your year! Even if you aren't over weight, to just be active and strive to be healthy for yourself and for your family.!
Once I started hanging out with Billy and we started dating was when I started slowly gaining the weight back until 2-3 years later when we got married and started life here in Illinois. I've always had visions of what life was going to be like when I was a wife. I would be that perfect 1950's wife. I would make EVERYTHING and keep up a perfect apartment/house. HA! I thought that when I got married that my previous lifestyles would go away. i.e. I wouldn't be disorganized and lazy. I did achieve my dreams for the first couple weeks, maybe a month and then we ended up going out to eat every meal and we both became very overweight. My husband was so discouraged every time he looked at our wedding photos that he decided he was going to lose weight. He offered to have me join him but I didn't want to put the work in. Like I said before, I'm not one to really follow through with things. I'll do it strong for a week or 2 and then stop, or I'll forget something and then it's history. Billy lost a significant amount of weight, almost half of his regular self. I was so proud, but hated the fact that I was now fatter than my husband. In high school I had a boyfriend who was skinnier than me and I hated it. I always felt that a man should be bigger than his wife/significant other. I"m not saying that they have to be fat but maybe muscular and the woman should be leaner...I've dug myself in a hole I feel with that comment.....and maybe there was always a bit of comparison to other people I surrounded myself with. "Oh this person is about the same size I am so I'm okay. I don't need to do that."
We got together with some good friends of ours over christmas in Chicago. It was their first time in Chicago and we loved showing them downtown and all the fun things to do! We took a lot of pictures with them and looking on FaceBook at them I was just disgusted with how I looked. I remember trying to pack for that trip and only have 1 pair of jeans that really fit and they were a size 20 and getting too small. being a little ADD here, I've also had a fear in my mind about getting all sorts of cancers and other health complications because I am overweight and my mother got cancer (and the one that ate the most healthy out of our family) Every time I have a pain in my stomach or side I automatically think it's cancer or I'm getting mom's allergies. Getting back on track, Around that time and maybe a little after I decided that I was going to get baptized. I figured I put it off for far too long (I figured that since I was baptized as an infant, I was already baptized and didn't need to be) and decided I'm going to take that next step and see where/how God will use me. That's when my husband and I decided that this will be our year; a time filled with life changing events and habits. When I first started I wanted to see results right away. If I didn't lose a pound or two I would be so pissed, but now I'm glad that I'm going slow and taking my time, I don't want to rush things and it's giving me time to find other ways to lose the weight than just doing the elliptical, or lifting weights.
I feel like I've taken this weight loss to another level. When I started I was just counting calories and eating whatever I wanted. Now it's all about what kinds of foods and learning what foods give you more energy and eating more organic and less processed and really starting to change the lifestyle, example, I started using ground turkey awhile ago but still used ground beef to some extent. I completely cut off ground beef in our house when we started in January. I ate a patty melt yesterday for lunch (don't ask my why it just sounded really, really good.) Now if I were making this sandwich at home I would have used ground turkey, weight watchers cheese, whole wheat bread and onion. However, since I was at work I completely forgot and I had ground beef. It tasted so different to me, (don't get me wrong it was still an outstanding burger) but I'm just so used to ground turkey. Anyways, I'm really proud of my progress and to be honest I don't think I could have gotten this far without the support of my husband, first and foremost, and the awesome support and prayers from all of you wherever you are! I greatly appreciate all the notes and wonderful comments you leave, please keep it up and I encourage you to get out there and make this your year! Even if you aren't over weight, to just be active and strive to be healthy for yourself and for your family.!
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
For Good
So I've noticed that I'm bad with motivation and sticking with something for long enough....like writing on this blog.....however, losing weight is probably one of the few things in my life that I have actually stuck with and, HA I never in a million years thought I would say this but, ENJOY! I know people say it's about changing a lifestyle and they could never be more right!
So here's where I need to catch you guys up to speed with what I've been doing, OMG this is so exciting and I can't wait to tell you all....you know there should be a way for me to see your faces! That would be even better...okay Anndee, focus! I'm down to 218! My goal was to be 215 by the end of March, but Easter happened... I was very bad at weighing myself before I got married (I knew I was fat but didn't want to admit it ) but with the way that I'm feeling and with the clothes I can fit into, I'm pretty sure that I weigh about the same as when we got married. I'll take it for now, but just you wait summer....my husband and I are determined to go running this summer on the trails; I'll be in a sports bra and shorts and he won't have on his shirt...yup....that's it folks!
Along with the dream, I've actually joined a running group! Most of you that know me really well know that I DON'T RUN! It's actually kind of interesting, my mother was an amazing track star/athlete in high school. My mother always told me that I was built like her and had her athletic genes but I just didn't know what to do with them. Back to the running group, we run every Monday and you run as far as you want, they have 3, 4 and 5 mile marks that you run and you just go! I instead did running for 3 mins and walking for 1 minute for 30 minutes...I was told my average pace was 12. I was pretty proud of myself for my first time really running. I think if I keep up with it, I'll be able to actually run without walking!
I mentioned before that my lifestyle has changed. Since I've been sticking with working out and not really flaking on it, I've noticed that I haven't been so flakey in other areas of my life, like cleaning....I'm one of the most messiest people on the face of the earth, I swear! But I've noticed that with working out, eating non processed foods, and drinking lots of water, I have more energy than I had before so I can do more things when I get home...granted there are days where I feel like doing nothing when I get home, but I know that if I don't do it, it's not going to get done.
I can't be more excited with this decision that I've made to change a lifestyle that it has been done for good! No going back! and that feels really, really, good!
So here's where I need to catch you guys up to speed with what I've been doing, OMG this is so exciting and I can't wait to tell you all....you know there should be a way for me to see your faces! That would be even better...okay Anndee, focus! I'm down to 218! My goal was to be 215 by the end of March, but Easter happened... I was very bad at weighing myself before I got married (I knew I was fat but didn't want to admit it ) but with the way that I'm feeling and with the clothes I can fit into, I'm pretty sure that I weigh about the same as when we got married. I'll take it for now, but just you wait summer....my husband and I are determined to go running this summer on the trails; I'll be in a sports bra and shorts and he won't have on his shirt...yup....that's it folks!
Along with the dream, I've actually joined a running group! Most of you that know me really well know that I DON'T RUN! It's actually kind of interesting, my mother was an amazing track star/athlete in high school. My mother always told me that I was built like her and had her athletic genes but I just didn't know what to do with them. Back to the running group, we run every Monday and you run as far as you want, they have 3, 4 and 5 mile marks that you run and you just go! I instead did running for 3 mins and walking for 1 minute for 30 minutes...I was told my average pace was 12. I was pretty proud of myself for my first time really running. I think if I keep up with it, I'll be able to actually run without walking!
I mentioned before that my lifestyle has changed. Since I've been sticking with working out and not really flaking on it, I've noticed that I haven't been so flakey in other areas of my life, like cleaning....I'm one of the most messiest people on the face of the earth, I swear! But I've noticed that with working out, eating non processed foods, and drinking lots of water, I have more energy than I had before so I can do more things when I get home...granted there are days where I feel like doing nothing when I get home, but I know that if I don't do it, it's not going to get done.
I can't be more excited with this decision that I've made to change a lifestyle that it has been done for good! No going back! and that feels really, really, good!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Ahh Skinny You
Drumroll please! daddadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadad! I have officially lost 13 pounds! WOOOOOHOOOOO! two more pounds and I'll be attaching the Hallelujah chorus to this blog! I have successfully lost 2 pounds every week for 6 weeks....while I think I could have done better, I'm glad that I'm going at a steady pace.
I haven't been sticking to my plan exactly...and I regret some of the choices that I make during the day with my eating and then having every intention of working out that night and then it never happens. Where have we heard this before? But on the plus side of things, I went shopping with a friend this past weekend and tried some stuff on. I screamed with joy from the one of the fitting rooms. She asked me what was wrong and I said, "No nothing's wrong, I'm just a size smaller!" She screamed from the other room,"Ahhh way to go skinny you!" Way to go skinny me! I should pat myself on the back and sound the trumpets but I don't want to brag...:)
Things are looking so much better than what they were. I have noticed so many changes in myself (and so has my husband) that I can't believe/imagine going back to what I once was. I act as though losing 13 pounds is so dramatic and life changing, but the things that I can do! The way that I feel about myself and I know it's only going to get better. I can't wait for that, until I just need to keep plodding along! I CAN DO IT!
I haven't been sticking to my plan exactly...and I regret some of the choices that I make during the day with my eating and then having every intention of working out that night and then it never happens. Where have we heard this before? But on the plus side of things, I went shopping with a friend this past weekend and tried some stuff on. I screamed with joy from the one of the fitting rooms. She asked me what was wrong and I said, "No nothing's wrong, I'm just a size smaller!" She screamed from the other room,"Ahhh way to go skinny you!" Way to go skinny me! I should pat myself on the back and sound the trumpets but I don't want to brag...:)
Things are looking so much better than what they were. I have noticed so many changes in myself (and so has my husband) that I can't believe/imagine going back to what I once was. I act as though losing 13 pounds is so dramatic and life changing, but the things that I can do! The way that I feel about myself and I know it's only going to get better. I can't wait for that, until I just need to keep plodding along! I CAN DO IT!
Monday, February 25, 2013
Roots
*I apologize first off that this is going to be a lengthy post* This won't come as a surprise to any of you but just to get it out there, I grew up in a small town! *GASP* It wasn't a bad experience in fact I loved it, however, there was little to no diversity in the town. We grew up learning about different cultures, but it was hard for me to imagine what those other cultures were like in my "world." I, like many others I'm sure, had various stereotypes in mind. For example I was shocked to learn that Billy didn't really like basketball. I'm sure my reaction when I found that out went a little something like this, "WHAT? HOW? Don't you know you're black?" yes I need to hang my head in shame. My "world" as I knew it to be, was starting to change when college rolled around.
During the summer before my super senior year (5th year) at UNI, I accompanied my home church youth group to CHIC (Covenant High in Christ) as a youth leader. After every main-stage session there was a benediction that the speaker said and it goes a little something like this, "And now as we go on our way may Jesus undo our watered-down, sanitized and sugar-coated faith, so that we may follow Him into a heroic life where our comfort zones are undone so that we are not afraid to become countercultural and counter comfortable. Holy Spirit, reveal a God who is bigger than all we can figure out and who loves us beyond what we can imagine.Give us the courage and the commitment to work together so that none of God’s work remains undone." I wanted my life to reflect this benediction. When I came back from the conference, I made a copy of it and hung it on my door. I said it every morning before I walked to class, and said it during my prayer throughout the day and even at night. I prayed so hard that God would break my comfort zone; that I would learn to become more countercultural and that my mind would be more open to other cultures and "worlds" around me.
Two weeks after I came back from that conference the college kids were starting to come back and I started to notice my roommate getting more and more excited. She had been talking about this Billy guy for awhile. I had heard of him and met him a couple of times, but I really never gave him the time of day. Well, after a couple of time hanging out we later became inseperable. Call it what you want, but I truly believe that God was saying, "Well, you want it? Here you go!" I learned so much about his "world" and rightfully so, he learned about my "world." I know I asked a lot of stupid questions/dumb stereotypes (I still throw some at him) and he graciously answered. He asked questions too and we were both shocked at how open-minded the other person was. I remember asking him where his heritage was from and he told me that he didn't know. I was shocked! I was confused as to how someone could not know where they came from. In my small town that's what we are built on; good old Scandinavian/German roots. Knowing my heritage was a HUGE part of my childhood and I know my grandparents and parents instilled those beliefs so we would be proud of where we came from. This is where I wish I had been more educated in African/American History because it was the first time I had ever heard that when you were a slave, your life was basically erased. You became your masters family and maybe took the masters name. This was hard for me to swallow and still is hard for me to grasp and fully understand. I'm sure once I heard that, my face looked something like the Home Alone face.
As we started to get to know each other more I started to learn more about black history month. Now I'm going to be honest, before I met Billy, I really didn't understand black history month. I was one of those that thought, "Why don't we get a month?" hang head in shame again. He told me about his home church and what they do for black history month. At the last Sunday in February there is a black history program before the service starts, everyone is in traditional African dress, and the worship is so very soulful that it starts in your toes and gives you goosebumps as it makes its way up your body. It's my absolute favorite, favorite part of the year in fact we try to make it every year and hopefully will continue to go with our children so that they understand a big part of who they are.
In light of black history month, my work is hosting a soul food day. When the announcement came out I was thinking, "mmmmmmmmm food to make us sluggish the rest of the day!" Not 2 seconds after that thought, did a friend of mine tell me what I was not to bring. "Anndee, are you gonna bring that snicker salad of yours?" Now let me tell you a little back story, the first Thanksgiving I shared with Billy's family I volunteered to bring something, because being in my farming community whenever someone hosted a dinner, you brought something, and I wanted to show my now mother-in-law that I can help. I thought a snicker salad would be a good choice. (Those of you who know snicker salad know that it's a classic staple at most potlucks and family holidays as well as all around good dish) I thought I couldn't go wrong. My husband reassured me that everyone would at least try it and told me that they would like it. Needless to say it did not go well. I give them mad props for trying it, however, it's still an inside joke to this day and has even circulated around the workplace. Whenever I tell this story to black people I get the same reaction. A nasty glare, otherwise known as stank face. I later found out that you DO NOT bring a dish that no one knows to a Thanksgiving or Christmas meal. You already have an understanding of what the meal is going to be and to add something new to that pallet is just wrong. SO back to soul food day. To be honest, I don't know how to cook soul food. I thought it would be easier to drive up to Gary, have his mom make me something and then drive back and bring it in. I told that to her and my sister-in-law and they both laughed at me and tried to think of the easiest thing I could make. Bless their hearts I love them both! So it was decided that I can bring Red Beans and Rice....we'll see how that turns out..
Because it's nearing the end of black history month and since we couldn't make it up to his parents church this past weekend I decided that we could have our own little black history month celebration. So we planned on watching a movie of his, painting while listening to African tribal music or some of Billy's music and me making some greens. It was my first attempt at making greens and they were good. We ended up not doing the other things, but ended up calling his family which turned out to be an even better plan than what we had in mind. I'm so thankful that there is a big part of my husbands world that I'm still so intently learning about and finding things to teach our children and in various ways. HA, in fact the other day while I was at work, I created a whole black history month art unit that I hope to incorporate in my classroom, and in my house someday.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
I feel good na na na na na na na!
I'm excited to report that I have now officially lost 10 lbs and it feels so good! My friend Sydney and I (we are both on this weight loss thing) went shopping at the mall tonight and just for the heck of it, went into DEB and tried on prom dresses! It was so much fun and it made me feel better about myself, because we were both trying on things that we normally wouldn't try on. I know 10 lbs doesn't seem like much, but my pants are already baggy. It's such a good feeling.
I've noticed that I need to give myself weekly goals. I need to get into the habit of giving myself something to work towards during the week. I've already got the actual going to the gym thing down, and since I didn't work out tonight, I feel awful! So this morning my husband and I weigh ourselves and I said to him, "Okay my goal is going to be 220 by Sunday!" We both looked at each other, looked at the scale, looked back at each other and said, "NAH!" In order for me to be 220, I would have to lose 6 lbs in 5 days.......insane.......not healthy? We both agreed I could make it happen if I pushed myself I could do it.....we'll see. I'll push myself but I don't think I'll be able to lose 6 lbs.
I really enjoy the foods/recipes I've been trying. I came across an alternative to Alfredo sauce (it's one of my weaknesses) by using avocado! How awesome is that? I've been doing a lot of roasted/baked veggies and eating less carbs (another weakness) Remember in one of my earlier posts I mentioned that I was giving up Diet Coke? Well I can say with confidence I haven't had a Diet Coke since that post, until tonight. I had one when we went out dinner and I only drank 1 glass. It was way to sweet. Didn't even like it. I'm so very proud of myself!
This whole experience thus far has been amazing. I truly enjoy the healthy life! I feel so much better about myself, I'm starting to get a bump on my lower back (aka a butt.....this excites me...I've wanted pants to fit for so long, and not have sagging fabric where a butt should be, and I think it's about to happen!) I'm actually starting to see that I have a torso. Things are looking up and it's exciting. I don't ever want to go back to what I was, and to think I was content with that! I'm moving forward and not looking back
I've noticed that I need to give myself weekly goals. I need to get into the habit of giving myself something to work towards during the week. I've already got the actual going to the gym thing down, and since I didn't work out tonight, I feel awful! So this morning my husband and I weigh ourselves and I said to him, "Okay my goal is going to be 220 by Sunday!" We both looked at each other, looked at the scale, looked back at each other and said, "NAH!" In order for me to be 220, I would have to lose 6 lbs in 5 days.......insane.......not healthy? We both agreed I could make it happen if I pushed myself I could do it.....we'll see. I'll push myself but I don't think I'll be able to lose 6 lbs.
I really enjoy the foods/recipes I've been trying. I came across an alternative to Alfredo sauce (it's one of my weaknesses) by using avocado! How awesome is that? I've been doing a lot of roasted/baked veggies and eating less carbs (another weakness) Remember in one of my earlier posts I mentioned that I was giving up Diet Coke? Well I can say with confidence I haven't had a Diet Coke since that post, until tonight. I had one when we went out dinner and I only drank 1 glass. It was way to sweet. Didn't even like it. I'm so very proud of myself!
This whole experience thus far has been amazing. I truly enjoy the healthy life! I feel so much better about myself, I'm starting to get a bump on my lower back (aka a butt.....this excites me...I've wanted pants to fit for so long, and not have sagging fabric where a butt should be, and I think it's about to happen!) I'm actually starting to see that I have a torso. Things are looking up and it's exciting. I don't ever want to go back to what I was, and to think I was content with that! I'm moving forward and not looking back
Monday, February 11, 2013
L.O.V....E?
L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very, extraordinary
Love was.........
One morning my husband and I were getting ready for work and he starts singing this song.....I started to laugh because he left out the E line. I think he thought that the E was was extraordinary which makes sense now that I'm seeing it written out. After I sang the E line we both had a chuckle and went on our way to work.
Speaking of LOVE, Valentines Day is just around the corner. I've never really been a huge fan of Valentines Day, simply because I don't want my husband to think that just because it's Valentines Day he has to get me something. I think it goes back to when we were dating I told him that I hated it for the reasons that I don't like big cheesy stuffed animals, and I hate roses and I don't want chocolate when I can get that any day of the week. I also mentioned that I think men feel like since it's valentines day they have to get something and it might not be well thought out. I don't know about the rest of you ladies, but I LOVE a gift that's from the heart, not, "Oh it's Valentines Day, I have to get something!" Nope, not for this one. So back to our conversation, I told him to not to get me anything since he's not that big into holidays, he could care less if he got anything or not.
On our first Valentines Day as a married couple we had agreed to not get each other anything and just have a nice meal at home with candles, sparkling grape juice and a selection of Marvin Gaye and Al Green. It was wonderful! I made him a little card because, well, I'm an over achiever and love to do things for him. The conversation afterwards turned into a discussion on holidays and birthdays and gifts because I was sad that I didn't get anything. Now mind you he already warned me that this would happen and I, being the mature adult that I am, refused to listen to what he had to say. It turned out that I did like gifts and wished that he had gotten me something.
I for one am still thinking about what love looks like. To me it's telling me that you love me, being chivalrous and giving me words of affirmation and so forth. Billy is the COMPLETE opposite from me. His would be me spending time with him, listening FULLY to what he has to say, and picking up after myself every once in a blue moon and helping to keep the apartment clean so that we don't have to have a giant clean up day or play 10 second tidy before friends come over! We have discovered over the course of our new marriage that we show each other the way that we want to be loved, not how the other person wants to be loved.
Due to an evening of unfortunate events a couple of weeks ago we had an argument about how we love each other. After awhile of not talking, we met up for lunch and Billy handed me this*: Mind you, when you live with a teacher, you are bound to get an assignment.
"As you know, you and I best receive love in different ways. On top of that, the way that we each express love shows that we have differing ideas about what love actually is. The way that you often tell me you love me immediately after, AND SOMETIMES EVEN WHILE you do things you know I dislike regardless of how I feel, shows that you think love is more closely related to how you FEEL about me than how you treat me. You're not alone, in this miscommunication I"m careful to always consider your feelings and well-being before I act, but I often fail to verbally express love to you.
Your assignment is designed simply to create a more fulfilling love experience. Starting today and until June 18, I do not want to hear or read the words "I love you," " I'm sorry," or anything that uses words or material gifts (bought or made) to express how much you value me or my feelings. Every time you feel the need to express love, do it through an action. If you're sorry, stop doing what you did, and make it up to me if you feel the need. I'm not calling for a superwife. I'm not asking you to constantly cook and clean and slave. These things are, welcome sometimes, but if you're using them as a crutch or doing them begrudgingly, I don't want it. Simplicity is sufficient. Don't think of it as punishment. Think of it as a fast. You may need to really use your head and be creative to stick with it until the end."
I decided to accept this challenge and created one for him too! I asked him to tell me that he loves me more, and to be more chivalrous. I also suggested that maybe we cook dinner together and do dishes together as well as clean together. I can't say that I have done well so far. It's so hard to not say I love you or to say sorry after I have done something stupid. I'm still trying, learning and growing. He has told me multiple times what he wants, I, on the other hand, know that I'm being selfish and not taking into consideration how he will feel after I do something or think just assume what I think will be great. It's taken a lot of listening and really looking into the other one and seeing what they do. Some of you may already be doing this but I'm one that tends to forget a lot.
I challenge you this Valentines Day to give something more than material items, give yourself and something that the other person loves, not what you think they will like. Maybe it's emptying the dishwasher or learning to play one of his video games. Maybe it's giving her a break from the kids or him a break from work. Maybe it's watching the other ones favorite movie, or do something you both like to do that you haven't had the chance to do in awhile. Whatever it is, do it and my hope is that it'll continue throughout the year and not just on holidays or birthday and not because you have to but because you LOV to!
*Billy gave me the okay to write this*
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very, extraordinary
Love was.........
One morning my husband and I were getting ready for work and he starts singing this song.....I started to laugh because he left out the E line. I think he thought that the E was was extraordinary which makes sense now that I'm seeing it written out. After I sang the E line we both had a chuckle and went on our way to work.
Speaking of LOVE, Valentines Day is just around the corner. I've never really been a huge fan of Valentines Day, simply because I don't want my husband to think that just because it's Valentines Day he has to get me something. I think it goes back to when we were dating I told him that I hated it for the reasons that I don't like big cheesy stuffed animals, and I hate roses and I don't want chocolate when I can get that any day of the week. I also mentioned that I think men feel like since it's valentines day they have to get something and it might not be well thought out. I don't know about the rest of you ladies, but I LOVE a gift that's from the heart, not, "Oh it's Valentines Day, I have to get something!" Nope, not for this one. So back to our conversation, I told him to not to get me anything since he's not that big into holidays, he could care less if he got anything or not.
On our first Valentines Day as a married couple we had agreed to not get each other anything and just have a nice meal at home with candles, sparkling grape juice and a selection of Marvin Gaye and Al Green. It was wonderful! I made him a little card because, well, I'm an over achiever and love to do things for him. The conversation afterwards turned into a discussion on holidays and birthdays and gifts because I was sad that I didn't get anything. Now mind you he already warned me that this would happen and I, being the mature adult that I am, refused to listen to what he had to say. It turned out that I did like gifts and wished that he had gotten me something.
I for one am still thinking about what love looks like. To me it's telling me that you love me, being chivalrous and giving me words of affirmation and so forth. Billy is the COMPLETE opposite from me. His would be me spending time with him, listening FULLY to what he has to say, and picking up after myself every once in a blue moon and helping to keep the apartment clean so that we don't have to have a giant clean up day or play 10 second tidy before friends come over! We have discovered over the course of our new marriage that we show each other the way that we want to be loved, not how the other person wants to be loved.
Due to an evening of unfortunate events a couple of weeks ago we had an argument about how we love each other. After awhile of not talking, we met up for lunch and Billy handed me this*: Mind you, when you live with a teacher, you are bound to get an assignment.
"As you know, you and I best receive love in different ways. On top of that, the way that we each express love shows that we have differing ideas about what love actually is. The way that you often tell me you love me immediately after, AND SOMETIMES EVEN WHILE you do things you know I dislike regardless of how I feel, shows that you think love is more closely related to how you FEEL about me than how you treat me. You're not alone, in this miscommunication I"m careful to always consider your feelings and well-being before I act, but I often fail to verbally express love to you.
Your assignment is designed simply to create a more fulfilling love experience. Starting today and until June 18, I do not want to hear or read the words "I love you," " I'm sorry," or anything that uses words or material gifts (bought or made) to express how much you value me or my feelings. Every time you feel the need to express love, do it through an action. If you're sorry, stop doing what you did, and make it up to me if you feel the need. I'm not calling for a superwife. I'm not asking you to constantly cook and clean and slave. These things are, welcome sometimes, but if you're using them as a crutch or doing them begrudgingly, I don't want it. Simplicity is sufficient. Don't think of it as punishment. Think of it as a fast. You may need to really use your head and be creative to stick with it until the end."
I decided to accept this challenge and created one for him too! I asked him to tell me that he loves me more, and to be more chivalrous. I also suggested that maybe we cook dinner together and do dishes together as well as clean together. I can't say that I have done well so far. It's so hard to not say I love you or to say sorry after I have done something stupid. I'm still trying, learning and growing. He has told me multiple times what he wants, I, on the other hand, know that I'm being selfish and not taking into consideration how he will feel after I do something or think just assume what I think will be great. It's taken a lot of listening and really looking into the other one and seeing what they do. Some of you may already be doing this but I'm one that tends to forget a lot.
I challenge you this Valentines Day to give something more than material items, give yourself and something that the other person loves, not what you think they will like. Maybe it's emptying the dishwasher or learning to play one of his video games. Maybe it's giving her a break from the kids or him a break from work. Maybe it's watching the other ones favorite movie, or do something you both like to do that you haven't had the chance to do in awhile. Whatever it is, do it and my hope is that it'll continue throughout the year and not just on holidays or birthday and not because you have to but because you LOV to!
*Billy gave me the okay to write this*
Slow and Steady
I have been doing this weight loss thing for almost a month and I can proudly say that I have lost 6 lbs and going strong! I've talked with lots of other people about weight loss and everyone seems to say the same thing, Slow and Steady. A lot of changes, for the better, have happened like I mentioned before. I don't feel hungry all the time, my sugar intake is a lot less, my joints don't ache as much, as well as my back...I'm hoping that with this weight loss that the pain in my back will go away for good! We'll see about that. Also I'm proud to announce that my Diet Coke intake is only 1 can a week! For those of you that know me real well, I bleed Diet Coke. I would have 2-3 cans a day! Now, I can taste the sugar and it's almost too much for me. I did have one today because I was soo tired during work. If anyone has any suggestions for different natural wake up foods or something, that would be great! I don't really want to do coffee, if at all possible and I do drink a lot of tea....The start of the less Diet Coke actually started when my husband read an article about how bad aspartame is and asked me kindly to stop. I'm trying simply because I think he would like me to stick around awhile longer and I love him, so I think that's a good enough reason! :)
Like I said before I'm a person that wants to see instant results, but the big thing is that I feel better and am getting healthier! Yay for healthy life!
Today's stats:
starting weight :234
today's weight: 228.6
This is a good feeling! :)
Like I said before I'm a person that wants to see instant results, but the big thing is that I feel better and am getting healthier! Yay for healthy life!
Today's stats:
starting weight :234
today's weight: 228.6
This is a good feeling! :)
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Passion
My passion in life is teaching. I have never wanted to do anything more than to teach kids what I love to do. What a wonderful and exciting thing to do with your life? I can think of nothing better....other than being married to the most wonderful man in the world of course!
I currently am working at State Farm Headquarters here in Bloomington. I work in the Bank Operations Center doing a lot of randomness. I never thought I would work in the corporate world. It's very different than the creative world where I'm from, but it's growing on me. I don't mind the work, and I work with some awesome people, others, not so awesome. But you'll have that in any work environment that you are in. My husband and I are convinced that we will land teaching jobs this summer. We have had the worst luck trying to find teaching jobs and the sad thing is when we have conversations about our jobs to our friends, most of them, though they don't come out and directly say it, feel as though we aren't trying.
When we moved out here we did everything that we needed to do to get an Illinois teaching license. Billy filled out all the paperwork to sub in the area and even in a 50 mile radius of the Bloomington/Normal area. He never got called. In fact, he even got his physical, TB test, other tests and paperwork were taken and even lots of money was forked out for applications and other things in order for us to teach. He was never contacted and even told that his information was lost on several accounts. I applied for every single art teaching job I could find. I was either never called or had an interview and told I was top on list but my stuttering turned them away.
I don't know how many older women where I work tell me that, "If you have a college degree you can work anywhere!" I tell them the same thing every time. "Bullshit." I don't come out and say it like that but you get the idea. Even though I have a degree I can't work anywhere. I have been turned away from most food places because I am more than qualified. I was looking to get a second job and applied to other places and was turned away because they wanted college students. I can't apply to work at a desk job, because I don't have the work experience. SO while I have a degree, it serves me no good unless I either A: find a teaching job or B: get hired on as a State Farm employee where I currently work, which isn't looking on the brightside due to restructuring. Oh yeah by the way, did I mention I was a temp?
I love seeing the jobs that my colleagues are doing with their art rooms. I love seeing all the creative things that they are doing and I'm living vicariously through them. (thank you Michelle, Natalie, Kati, Stephanie and Lauren. I'm constantly looking at what you guys are doing and smiling from ear to ear because this is what the art room is supposed to look like! keep up the great work!) But then again, when I see what they are doing it makes me sad that I'm not doing what I love. It's nice that I'm able to train people at work because then I have some sense of teaching and it's better than not teaching at all....but I miss the creativity and the laughing of children. I miss hearing the funny things that they have to say and see how their imaginations unfold. I miss hearing them say how awesome you are and they are so glad to have you as a teacher. and this may seem crazy, but I miss writing lesson plans. I miss having an excuse to read children's books every day. One day I hope to have this. and until that day comes I will continue to bust my butt and write resume after resume and keep applying. Sometimes I wish that passion was enough.
A good friend of mine mentioned to me that I should start an after school program here in the area that concentrates on the creative arts. I would have art classes as well as music classes and maybe even some drama. Before that, we considered opening a charter school here that was devoted strictly to performing arts. It would have drama classes, music, art, etc. These thoughts haven't left my mind. I"m strongly considering these possibilities, but I have no clue how to start any of them. This could be my thing, my outlet. I guess if I can't get hired anywhere to teach, why not start my own? HA. We'll so how far this idea goes. In the meantime I'll continue to look and research. We'll see what happens.
I currently am working at State Farm Headquarters here in Bloomington. I work in the Bank Operations Center doing a lot of randomness. I never thought I would work in the corporate world. It's very different than the creative world where I'm from, but it's growing on me. I don't mind the work, and I work with some awesome people, others, not so awesome. But you'll have that in any work environment that you are in. My husband and I are convinced that we will land teaching jobs this summer. We have had the worst luck trying to find teaching jobs and the sad thing is when we have conversations about our jobs to our friends, most of them, though they don't come out and directly say it, feel as though we aren't trying.
When we moved out here we did everything that we needed to do to get an Illinois teaching license. Billy filled out all the paperwork to sub in the area and even in a 50 mile radius of the Bloomington/Normal area. He never got called. In fact, he even got his physical, TB test, other tests and paperwork were taken and even lots of money was forked out for applications and other things in order for us to teach. He was never contacted and even told that his information was lost on several accounts. I applied for every single art teaching job I could find. I was either never called or had an interview and told I was top on list but my stuttering turned them away.
I don't know how many older women where I work tell me that, "If you have a college degree you can work anywhere!" I tell them the same thing every time. "Bullshit." I don't come out and say it like that but you get the idea. Even though I have a degree I can't work anywhere. I have been turned away from most food places because I am more than qualified. I was looking to get a second job and applied to other places and was turned away because they wanted college students. I can't apply to work at a desk job, because I don't have the work experience. SO while I have a degree, it serves me no good unless I either A: find a teaching job or B: get hired on as a State Farm employee where I currently work, which isn't looking on the brightside due to restructuring. Oh yeah by the way, did I mention I was a temp?
I love seeing the jobs that my colleagues are doing with their art rooms. I love seeing all the creative things that they are doing and I'm living vicariously through them. (thank you Michelle, Natalie, Kati, Stephanie and Lauren. I'm constantly looking at what you guys are doing and smiling from ear to ear because this is what the art room is supposed to look like! keep up the great work!) But then again, when I see what they are doing it makes me sad that I'm not doing what I love. It's nice that I'm able to train people at work because then I have some sense of teaching and it's better than not teaching at all....but I miss the creativity and the laughing of children. I miss hearing the funny things that they have to say and see how their imaginations unfold. I miss hearing them say how awesome you are and they are so glad to have you as a teacher. and this may seem crazy, but I miss writing lesson plans. I miss having an excuse to read children's books every day. One day I hope to have this. and until that day comes I will continue to bust my butt and write resume after resume and keep applying. Sometimes I wish that passion was enough.
A good friend of mine mentioned to me that I should start an after school program here in the area that concentrates on the creative arts. I would have art classes as well as music classes and maybe even some drama. Before that, we considered opening a charter school here that was devoted strictly to performing arts. It would have drama classes, music, art, etc. These thoughts haven't left my mind. I"m strongly considering these possibilities, but I have no clue how to start any of them. This could be my thing, my outlet. I guess if I can't get hired anywhere to teach, why not start my own? HA. We'll so how far this idea goes. In the meantime I'll continue to look and research. We'll see what happens.
Friday, February 1, 2013
I have been doing this weight loss for over a week now and I can tell you that I have lost 4 pounds so far. I need to keep this up! As far as changes go I can feel a change in myself. I can now run without my knees giving out. When I walk up stairs, my knees don't crack, and I feel like I have more energy!
I've haven't been keeping up with the blog as well as I thought that I would, but this week has been really hectic. I've been training people at work and so I have been typing aids for them, and doing so many other things. So even though I haven't been keeping up on the blog, I have been keeping with eating right and working out. So this week I'm going to work harder at keeping up with the blog. Even if I dont' have much to write about my weight, I'll find some interesting story or something to talk about.
I've haven't been keeping up with the blog as well as I thought that I would, but this week has been really hectic. I've been training people at work and so I have been typing aids for them, and doing so many other things. So even though I haven't been keeping up on the blog, I have been keeping with eating right and working out. So this week I'm going to work harder at keeping up with the blog. Even if I dont' have much to write about my weight, I'll find some interesting story or something to talk about.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Ruts
I'm in a rut. I'm getting to the point where I don't want to continue, but yet I dream of being the size that I want to be. Today when I was out shopping I walked through the clothing section and looked at some really cute clothes. I told myself that I was going to wear that soon just in a smaller size, and a big smile flooded my face. But the problem is, I dont' want to do the work to get there. Call it what you want, but we all think about how nice it would be to get from one place to another by Scotty beaming us up, right? I feel like this is the same thing except, "Skinny me up Scotty!" Life would be so much simpler.
I have to keep reminding myself that I still have months to get it off. I still have time. This is only the start.
weigh-in thursday 233.4
2 pieces multigrain toast: 200
half chicken bacon wrap: 250
chips: 220
fresca
6 glasses water
1 cup rice, beans, and assorted veggies:300
total:970
work out-300
weigh-in friday: 233.4
yogurt: 90
banana:105
1 cup rice, beans, and assorted veggies:300
1 pkg turkey jerky: 90
chinese: i don't know where to begin.....lets just say 1,000
fresca
7 glasses water
total: 1585
work out: 300
weigh in saturday: 232.4
2 pieces multigrain toast:200
bacon, avacado wrap: 350
strawberries, grapes, banana: 200
pita chips: 120
fresca.....2 glasses water....sadly
total: 870
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....
I have to keep reminding myself that I still have months to get it off. I still have time. This is only the start.
weigh-in thursday 233.4
2 pieces multigrain toast: 200
half chicken bacon wrap: 250
chips: 220
fresca
6 glasses water
1 cup rice, beans, and assorted veggies:300
total:970
work out-300
weigh-in friday: 233.4
yogurt: 90
banana:105
1 cup rice, beans, and assorted veggies:300
1 pkg turkey jerky: 90
chinese: i don't know where to begin.....lets just say 1,000
fresca
7 glasses water
total: 1585
work out: 300
weigh in saturday: 232.4
2 pieces multigrain toast:200
bacon, avacado wrap: 350
strawberries, grapes, banana: 200
pita chips: 120
fresca.....2 glasses water....sadly
total: 870
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
cleansing
Last night my husband brings home a bag of Arby's that has 2 roast beef sandwiches and two hot dogs from A&W. "Anndee, I just want you to know that I put a bag of fast food in the fridge." "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why?"
"Well my team lead bought us all lunch today and in my bag was a roast beef sandwich and two hot dogs and i took 1 bite of one hot dog and tried to eat one of the roast beef sandwiches and didn't like it so I threw it away and these are the leftovers. You're welcome to the rest if you want but you can't have them tonight...."
"ummmmm okay.......I'll take something for lunch then"
So I took the roast beef sandwich for lunch and took a Ziploc bag of carrots and called it good....When I came home I threw the rest of the fast food bag out, because I LOVE hot dogs...one of the grossest things in the world and I LOVE them. I had to throw them out because I would have eaten both of them. I was so excited to work out today I came home threw on my work out clothes and headed out the door, only to get to our apt complex gym to find a guy working out on my elliptical machine! Now you may be thinking really Anndee, really? There are other machines. But actually, no there isn't. Our gym is small that there are only 2 elliptical, two treadmills, a bike and a small weight lifting machine. I was so sad, but decided that I would try the other machine. I gave it a try and couldn't get passed 15 minutes. Not because I didn't want to, but because the machine was different than the one that I had been using and caused me to get tired more. Maybe that's a good thing?
I ended my 15 mins on that machine and decided I would walk briskly for 45 mins on the treadmill. I walked fast for awhile and then thought I could possibly start jogging and see what happened. I jogged for 15 mins! I have never been able to do that before! I was proud...I ended up stopping after that and called it a good work out. I think I failed my 500 calorie rule, but hey I'm just starting out. I don't want to get burned out too quickly. However, my calorie intake today was probably more than what I needed. Ugh.....I"ll get there.
weigh in: 233.4
2 pieces multi grain bread (sadly with butter): 280
arby's roast beef sandwich, plain no cheese: 320
10 baby carrots: 32
popcorn: 200
4 tablespoons butter: 400
total:1,232
calories burned: 300
for a grand total of 932
Speaking of a new direction in my life another new direction that I am taking is getting baptized at my church on February 10th. I'm really excited about this part of my life and with all these changes happening I feel as though I'm in a way being cleansed. That may be a weird word to use but I couldn't think of another word. Anyways, the day of the baptism we share a testimony of faith. The cool thing about this is our church does a video testimony of faith and then share it on the projector screen on that Sunday. In preparation for my video testimony I have started to write down what I'm going to say about my story and why I'm getting baptized. I thought that maybe I would write it down on here. It's still a work in progress...
"Well my team lead bought us all lunch today and in my bag was a roast beef sandwich and two hot dogs and i took 1 bite of one hot dog and tried to eat one of the roast beef sandwiches and didn't like it so I threw it away and these are the leftovers. You're welcome to the rest if you want but you can't have them tonight...."
"ummmmm okay.......I'll take something for lunch then"
So I took the roast beef sandwich for lunch and took a Ziploc bag of carrots and called it good....When I came home I threw the rest of the fast food bag out, because I LOVE hot dogs...one of the grossest things in the world and I LOVE them. I had to throw them out because I would have eaten both of them. I was so excited to work out today I came home threw on my work out clothes and headed out the door, only to get to our apt complex gym to find a guy working out on my elliptical machine! Now you may be thinking really Anndee, really? There are other machines. But actually, no there isn't. Our gym is small that there are only 2 elliptical, two treadmills, a bike and a small weight lifting machine. I was so sad, but decided that I would try the other machine. I gave it a try and couldn't get passed 15 minutes. Not because I didn't want to, but because the machine was different than the one that I had been using and caused me to get tired more. Maybe that's a good thing?
I ended my 15 mins on that machine and decided I would walk briskly for 45 mins on the treadmill. I walked fast for awhile and then thought I could possibly start jogging and see what happened. I jogged for 15 mins! I have never been able to do that before! I was proud...I ended up stopping after that and called it a good work out. I think I failed my 500 calorie rule, but hey I'm just starting out. I don't want to get burned out too quickly. However, my calorie intake today was probably more than what I needed. Ugh.....I"ll get there.
weigh in: 233.4
2 pieces multi grain bread (sadly with butter): 280
arby's roast beef sandwich, plain no cheese: 320
10 baby carrots: 32
popcorn: 200
4 tablespoons butter: 400
total:1,232
calories burned: 300
for a grand total of 932
Speaking of a new direction in my life another new direction that I am taking is getting baptized at my church on February 10th. I'm really excited about this part of my life and with all these changes happening I feel as though I'm in a way being cleansed. That may be a weird word to use but I couldn't think of another word. Anyways, the day of the baptism we share a testimony of faith. The cool thing about this is our church does a video testimony of faith and then share it on the projector screen on that Sunday. In preparation for my video testimony I have started to write down what I'm going to say about my story and why I'm getting baptized. I thought that maybe I would write it down on here. It's still a work in progress...
When
people started asking me my story on how I came to know the Lord, I was always
nervous and afraid to share that I didn’t have some amazing story. Whenever I
was in a room where someone shared their story they always had an amazing story
where they were so fallen and headed for the life of no return and through some
miracle, found God. And of course there was always a verse that stuck out to
this person. I wanted that type of story, to make people feel a certain way. So
I would embellish my story to make it more interesting than growing up in a
Christian home always knowing the lord and accepting Christ at u-turn night at
bible camp. If my bible was at hand I would quickly flip through the pages to
try and find a verse that I liked and sort of tie that in too. Every time I was
asked to share I added more and more. I was so ashamed of my story.
It wasn’t
until a couple of years ago when I started to realize that no matter what your
story is, the most important part is the fact that I have accepted Jesus in my
life and realizing that I am a sinner and through the grace of God, I’m free. Whether
always knowing him or following the path of no return and having some
televangelist preach to you over late night t.v it doesn't matter how you got there as long as you found that for yourself. My simple story, is amazing and I am fortunate to have found God
this way. I’m not saying that there haven’t been stumbles and doubts, I’m
human, and I have a feeling that will always be there. But those stumbles and
doubts were a lot easier to stomach, knowing that God had a better plan in
mind, and that losing your mother was a blessing so that she wasn’t suffering anymore. I
don’t think I would feel that way if I didn’t have God in my life.
SO here I
am 10 years later, and I’m sure you’re all wondering why I haven’t been
baptized. I asked myself the same exact thing! The idea of getting baptized has
always been in the back of my mind and I would always shoo it away and
reassure myself that since I was baptized as an infant that was good enough. It
wasn’t until we started getting involved in this church almost a year ago that
I started to realize that I have been long overdue. I was really glad when Pastor
Rick started his sermon series on Direction, because that really hit the nail
on the head for me. I've had the intentions but those intentions weren't going to matter in the grand scheme of things if I didn't act upon them. I realized I needed to start practicing what I preach to my Ozone
kids.
So here I am, very excited to be getting baptized, sharing my wonderful story and getting baptized by Pastor Brett. I'm not sure if he knows but Pastor Brett was the one that got us going to this church. There were a lot of other factors, but it was mainly him e-mailing and contacting us for Arts and Sports camp. If he hadn't done that, I don't think I would be in the place right now. I wouldn't have been involved in these ministries and I wouldn't have heard the series on direction.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
the skinny
First off, I just wanted to thank all of you so very much for the support! It's encouraging to know that people are rooting for you from far away! :) I'm one of those Words of Affirmation types of people (give a shout out to The Five Love Languages!) and so the more encouragement and well wishes, the better for me! If I at all sound like I'm falling behind and not reaching my goal, please, please, please knock some sense into me! Or better yet pray that God will smack me upside the head so that I keep doing what I need to do to build a healthy life!
Now that we have gotten that out of the way, I think I have devised a plan so far of how this whole thing is going to go down. I have decided to weigh myself every morning, track what I have eaten through out the day and then tally up my calories. I'm going to shoot to eat around 1200 calories a day. I'm going to work out for an hour hoping to burn roughly 500 calories. (today I only burned 460 calories)
So far for exercising routines, or what have you, I have ran on the elliptical machine for 30 mins lifted weights for about 5 mins and then ran for another 30...I think if I get tired of the elliptical, I'll do my Jillian work out DVDs.
I'm happy to hear any suggestions of workouts, recipes, or any other tips that you want to throw out. I'll be happy to try them and see if they work for me! I'm really excited about this and so far so good! I have a feeling that I'll be sticking with it this time....keep those fingers crossed!
Weigh-in: 234.8
Things eaten:
2 pieces of multi grain toast, (sadly with butter)=200 calories
1 cup of turkey sausage, cabbage soup (it tastes a lot better than it sounds)=280 calories
1 serving of blue corn chips=280 so sad that 12 chips adds up to my soup.....this doesn't seem fair
1 dove chocolate with almonds=42 you know how hard it is to eat just one?
Smartfood white cheddar popcorn 1 bag=100
chicken breast with roasted veggies=300
Calories burned: 460
If my math has served me right (I'm an art major...but yet I work at a bank) my total calories=742
We'll see how this goes....I might end up needing a snack.....
Now that we have gotten that out of the way, I think I have devised a plan so far of how this whole thing is going to go down. I have decided to weigh myself every morning, track what I have eaten through out the day and then tally up my calories. I'm going to shoot to eat around 1200 calories a day. I'm going to work out for an hour hoping to burn roughly 500 calories. (today I only burned 460 calories)
So far for exercising routines, or what have you, I have ran on the elliptical machine for 30 mins lifted weights for about 5 mins and then ran for another 30...I think if I get tired of the elliptical, I'll do my Jillian work out DVDs.
I'm happy to hear any suggestions of workouts, recipes, or any other tips that you want to throw out. I'll be happy to try them and see if they work for me! I'm really excited about this and so far so good! I have a feeling that I'll be sticking with it this time....keep those fingers crossed!
Weigh-in: 234.8
Things eaten:
2 pieces of multi grain toast, (sadly with butter)=200 calories
1 cup of turkey sausage, cabbage soup (it tastes a lot better than it sounds)=280 calories
1 serving of blue corn chips=280 so sad that 12 chips adds up to my soup.....this doesn't seem fair
1 dove chocolate with almonds=42 you know how hard it is to eat just one?
Smartfood white cheddar popcorn 1 bag=100
chicken breast with roasted veggies=300
Calories burned: 460
If my math has served me right (I'm an art major...but yet I work at a bank) my total calories=742
We'll see how this goes....I might end up needing a snack.....
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